Taking Uncertainties

photo obtained from planninga-from-nanninga.blogspot.com

photo obtained from planninga-from-nanninga.blogspot.com

Author’s Note: In this blog entry, I chose to pursue a career that will help me obtain the CFA designation. I enjoyed my work after audit but there was something lacking so I moved to a different job for the 3rd time. Sacrificing what I had and a job that I enjoyed, I was unsure and was convincing myself to be positive and that my decision was the right path. Despite the failures in CFA exams, I was determined that this is what I really want and that was the main reason why I moved to a new company. This “Taking Uncertainties” entry has sequels and I’ll post them soon. It has no ending though, the ending was probably yet to be written. I think the last post I made related to “Taking Uncertainties” was during the time when I failed again and I finally took a break, did a reflection, and then my confusion peaked. I need to hone my English-writing skills so pardon my grammatical errors. Anyway, enjoy 🙂

Every step we take is a journey…

Every resignation, every company, every experience is an expedition…

Every journey, every expedition is full of uncertainties…

After having an epiphany that I am not a good auditor, now, I realize that I am not also into a business outsourced work. Though it’s true that it was a high-paying work (well as compared to audit, this is definitely above industry), and though I was able to travel and live in London for more than three months; I still feel that this is not really for me. I love working with people, I enjoy learning how to deal with them, and I enjoy teaching people on how to do the processes, but being a support group, doing back office work, like a support agent helping the Brits – it’s not for me.

I had a lot of confusion lately. I searched for the impossibility. Lots of uncertainties, lot of risks to take. But then, when I sit back and try to think more deeply, I then realize that we all live in a life that’s full of uncertainties anyway – we really don’t know what will happen tomorrow until it becomes our present. I didn’t even realize that now is the perfect time to write this until I shut down my PC. So what the heck, may be I’m now ready to face my uncertainties…

I’ve told myself never NEVER REGRET anything!!! And thankfully, for the past years in my life, I cannot remember regretting any choices I made. These were the choices I made and I learned how to live with it no matter what.

I once said that audit was a waste but well at least I got to experience practicing my chosen profession. Ironically, I also said that I wished I stayed in audit for another month or two, but if that happened I wouldn’t be able travel to London and wouldn’t experience loads of things. I once wondered “what if I did not join this company?”, but then, I might not be able to experience dealing with different kinds of people again… I can’t help but look back at my choices, but hey, I knew I already thought about these for more than a hundred times before I made any decisions, and these decisions were clear – no turning back, face the consequences, it’s the life I chose so live it! THERE ARE DEFINITELY NO REGRETS!!!

I’m so tired of thinking what’s best for me. I’m tired of trying to figure out what I want in life. My work – it’s been a hell, so exhausted of taking responsibilities that were not mine, and what’s even worse, doing the processes that I don’t even like. My friend told me, she read this somewhere, “don’t take life seriously cause you’re not going to live long anyway”. May be it’s time for me to relax… To think of happy thoughts. Besides, I don’t want to die unhappy.

Well I do hope that I still don’t have any regrets after these… I know I cannot turn back the hands of time, I know I cannot go back to where I used to be. I know I need to be out of my comfort zone (again). So this is it, I hope this would be my last. I hope I could see things clearly now. I hope this is really what I want…

There are more than two roads for me to take (I guess it was even four roads), and I still chose the one that is less traveled by; I’m hoping that it will make the difference!

p.s. I’m really not sure how to end this writing, may be this is still to be continued… who knows… Life’s full of uncertainties anyway. Cheers! 😀

– November 29, 2007 01:24