Tonight is the Night

photo obtained from schoolcertificateonline.com

photo obtained from schoolcertificateonline.com

Author`s Note: Behind ako sa blog ko so magpopost pa ko ng isa pa. Ang post na eto ay tungkol sa exam results. Nakakatawa kasi sinabi ko dito na ang passion ko ay tungkol sa history, literature, crimes, art, games – those are my interests not my passion. Obviously, during this time, despite having written a lot of things already, I never realized that it was my true passion. Well, at least eventually nafigure out ko rin. Pumasa nga pala ko dito, anyway, enjoy 🙂

Dexter Morgan has said: “Tonight is the night… And it’s going to happen… again and again… has to happen…”

What will happen tonight? The results are out tonight, it needs to happen tonight, again and again… it should happen!

So tonight… I’ve been waiting for this. I don’t know what would happen till then…

Is it a pass? Or is it fail?

Deep inside, I know I want to pass this exam – to finish this until the end; to finally say that I’ve accomplished this, but then what? Will I be truly happy? What if this isn’t what I like? What if this isn’t meant for me?

What if I fail? Will I consider now myself as free? Will I be able to do what I really want in life – and what are those things? To fulfill my fetish in history, in literature, in serial killers and crimes? Or something related about gaming? Or to be like Nick Buchanan (but I’ll just be doing small art attacks)? I know I cannot do any of these things as my career; these are just my hobbies anyway.

So what now? It’s only six in the evening and I’ve got three more hours to kill… Can’t do my hobbies either cause I can’t seem to concentrate. It seems that this has been the longest three hours of my life…

And now I wonder… Where will I be tomorrow?

– written on August 19, 2008

Questions-Impossibility

photo obtained from: igpinstitute.org

photo obtained from: igpinstitute.org

Author’s Note: Gusto ko sana i-post yung mga sequel ng Taking Uncertainties kaso mawawala yung anonymity kasi masyado specific yung nasulat ko after nun. Hmmm… 3 writings ata yung di ko pwede i-post na related sa Taking Uncertainties. Anyway, etong Questions-Impossibility ay 4th writing na related pa rin sa Taking Uncertainties, at the same time, namention ko rin dito yung tungkol sa paghahanap ng imposibleng bagay. Puro rhetorical questions lang lahat eto, confusion pa rin during this time so here you go…

Happiness is such a very relative term…
What makes a person truly happy?
Is it earning big, traveling to places you’ve never been, living luxuriously?
Or is it having a balanced life? Having little career?

How would you know when it’s time to give up?
How would you know when it’s time to seek for opportunities?
How would you know that you cannot take it anymore?
How would you handle these?

What if you feel like tomorrows will never bring anything?
What if you feel like you’re an outcast?
What if your perspectives aren’t the same as theirs?
What if you don’t have any friends? Can somebody hand me a survival kit?

What really drives you in this kind of mess?
Is it your pride that keeps you holding on?
Or is it the opportunity that you think you’ll have that makes you hoping for?
Or is it the money, your boss, your friends?
Or are you still waiting to make that “difference”?

Still no regrets? This time, it’s so hard to say “definitely yes!”
Am thinking too much, still overanalyzing things…
Am trying too hard to carry on, to live through my decisions
Can’t believe that such quarter life crisis exists

More than 6 months… what else is new? Am still confused, lots of uncertainties, have no directions still.
It seems to me that I cannot control this mess.
Been in a daze, been in a maze
Why am I still searching for the impossibility?!?

– written on June 27, 2008