On Being Lazy

photo obtained from splatter.com

photo obtained from splatter.com

Author’s Note: This was written more than 3 years ago but just posting it now in my blog. Enjoy 🙂

Boxer, a legendary Starcraft progamer, once said “My laziness is my most fearful enemy. Defeat is the acceptance of my own laziness.”

May be that’s why I always feel defeated…

Yesterday was a start of another “lazy” week. I went to work, finished my draft report, went home and suddenly while browsing through my facebook account, I came across this test – “Which of the 7 Deadly Sins Are You?”. I took the quiz, and taddah!!! Obviously, I’m a SLOTH!!! I could never contest and just laughed out loud with the results!

It seems that it has been years since I started to feel sooo lazy, but in fact, it has just been a month. I totally hate this feeling, I want to do something productive, make most of my time, and avoid sleeping.

I really do not know how I was able to accomplish my work and finished two volumes of my studies when in fact I’m feeling lazy and getting even lazier each day. The facts are I really enjoy my work and I really want to pass this exam and gain my title and finally have my free time but I feel demotivated somehow.

Ever since my mother suffered a heart attack last month, I felt this laziness… I know it’s not even related, it’s not even a cause-and-effect but may be just may be subconsciously, I realize that life is too short so why spend it on something/s that isn’t or aren’t your true happiness. Though I’ve said that I enjoy doing those things, here’s another fact – THOSE AREN’T MY PASSION AND MY HAPPINESS!

Here I go again… Whenever I hate myself for being lazy, every little frustration that I have comes flashing before my eyes – “if only I’m not living in a third world country”, “if only being a history and literature geek could give me more money”, “if only…”. Who’s to blame anyway?

So I chose this life, no one and not even a single soul pushed me to do this so I have no right to feel this way. Even if I were to take a chance to change my life, to have a career shift, I know I wouldn’t simply because I don’t want to and I wouldn’t want to be out of my comfort zone nor to start anew – I would definitely regret that if I do.

Going back to the quiz I took – after taking it, surprisingly, I was able to focus on my studies and finish a reading before I went to bed last night. And as I write this, I feel happy since I’ve wanted to write this since last week but I feel so lazy to sit down and write.

I just had an epiphany with that quiz – sometimes I just need someone or something to tell frankly to my face who I am and that when I will realize that I don’t want to be this person. It’s not just accepting what I have become but also overcoming it.

I don’t have to psych myself and search for reasons why I feel demotivated or lazy. Passion or not, as long I still enjoy those, all I have to do is “suit up” – I mean get up and do those things and recognize that the outcome of those would be truly rewarding.

I definitely feel like a victor after finishing one of my readings, being able to watch some of my favorite stuffs and had a good night sleep.

I hope that I could finally overcome this laziness… hoping to be more productive tonight and the next day and night and the next…

It’s quite ironic that I started my first writing for the year 2009 on thoughts of being lazy. I hope I started it right…

– written on March 17, 2009

Red Eye

Author’s Note: I am slowly snapping out from my boredom. I don’t like boredom but there is one boredom that I tolerate – whenever I have to endure the waiting time for boarding, most people hate it but I actually enjoy it, esp. if it’s the waiting time for a red eye flight. So here goes…

This is my escape from reality
Feels like time is standing still
It’s the perfect opportunity
To simply relax and just chill

I don’t mind to wait for boarding
I don’t want to rush and hurry
Soon I will be sleeping
Soon I will be groggy

I can go blank and be in space
Red eye actually alerts my mind
Sometimes I want to be in this place
The only boredom I won’t mind

– written on May 16, 2014

And My Boredom Continues…

Author’s note: My weekend was great and so I thought I will start fresh but I guess I can’t escape my boredom…

It’s just the beginning of a Monday
Already wondering if it’s Friday
What has gotten into me these past days
I can’t snap out of it, boredom still plays

Perhaps what I need is a change of pace
But it’s hard to psych myself in this place
A long break, maybe that’s just what I need
To figure things out so I could take lead

Just embrace the boredom and start to conquer
Or just wait for each work week to be over
It’s a challenge to get out from this mess
This will take a while, just relax, I guess

– written on August 18, 2014

Struggling with Boredom

Author’s Note: I’ve been so bored these days (work wise) and this is my 3rd poem this week talking about boredom. (The first one was in Filipino and I didn’t post it here). While in the train on my way to work, I’m psyching myself so I can snap out of it. The good news is, today is Friday so I will be fine. Anyway, here goes…

Another day waiting to be over
I’m trying so hard not to go down “there”
Let’s create tension, let’s create action
Boost me up, I need some motivation

I’m losing my drive, I’m not in the mood
Patience please! This is not doing me good
Getting into deep, I don’t want to sink
Keep me sane, please! Then wake up now and think

Hai.. it’s another work day of struggle
Don’t give up but ’til when I can handle?
I just can’t wait for this to be over
Can’t defeat boredom, I am the loser

– written on August 15, 2014

Ride and Glide in Niagara

Physically tired but mentally relaxed
Didn’t notice the time has lapsed
I want to capture every moment
If only I can freeze every movement
I want to fall and enjoy the ride
So come on! Let’s take a walk and glide

I got physically ill but my mind is at its best
Staring at this amazing falls is like a rest
The water is flowing, being part of the ocean
It’s indescribable and wonderful creation
I got coughs but I want to finish this ride
So come on! Let’s do this and glide

– written on May 20, 2014

Pinoy Slang

lampangmanunulat

photo obtained from en.wikipedia.org photo obtained from en.wikipedia.org

Author’s note: Sana makapagdulot ito ng nostalgia sa mga taong namimiss na ang mga salitang kanto ng Pinoy :). Inaalay ko ito sa aking mga kaibigang Jologista na nagbigay sa kin ng inspirasyon hehe. P.s. Ayoko magresearch ng origins ng words kaya ang mga eto ay base sa mga napulot kong kwento o obserbasyon at posibleng mali ang mga pinagsasabi ko.

Sabi ng aking kaibigan na matagal-tagal ng naninirahan sa Amerika ay namimiss na raw nya ang mga Pinoy expressions. Sumasangayon ako dito kasi mahigit tatlong taon na rin ako sa ibang bansa at boring nga naman talaga ang salitang Ingles. Talaga nga namang nakakamiss ang mga Pinoy slang na pinapauso nating mga Noypi.

Batang 80s at 90s ako. Naabutan ko ang era ng Hagibis, Mike Hanopol (o Hanapol ba?), Sampaguita etc. Sa pagkakaalala ko, 70s pa siguro sila sikat kaso dahil jologs at heart ako…

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