Trying to Write

photo obtained from www.seoclerk.com

photo obtained from http://www.seoclerk.com

Author’s Note: I wrote this sometime 2008 when I was sleepy and bored at work. Here goes… p.s. the last stanza isn’t the original, I find the original stanza too wordy so I edited it, but I posted the original version too just because.

I can’t think of anything that rhymes
But I still want to try to write
Let’s see if this is going to be fine
Even if I can’t seem to get it right

So what’s gonna be my topic this time?
Think! Think! To make this sublime!
Is it about love, friendship, happiness?
Or is it about nothing or just plain madness?

I’m still at a lost, where is this heading?
Been trying so hard to put some meaning
What to do to make this interesting?
Or should I just leave this and start working?

Original last stanza:

I’m still at a lost to where this is heading
But I’ve been trying too hard just to put some meaning
What should I do to make this still interesting?
Or should I just leave this as is and go do other things?

– written on October 8, 2008

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Pag-asa / Hope

Author’s Note: About the pic – sunrise signifies hope, hence, the picture. This is to someone who’s going through so much pain and losing faith. This is originally written in my native tongue, Filipino/Tagalog. Luckily, I had the time this morning and afternoon (at work) so I was able to write the English version. Although, I must say, I have to change some of the words (i.e. not a literal Filipino-English translation) so that it would still sound like a poem.

Filipino and Original Version:

Mundo ay biglang tumigil sa pag-ikot
Gisingin mo ako sa aking bangungot
Paano mapapawi ang aking lungkot?
Maging matatag ngunit saan huhugot?

Hindi ko maintindihan ang pakay Nya
Nagtatanong, nagtataka, sa’n pupunta?
Paano ako muling magtitiwala?
Saan aasa? Wala namang himala

Paano papawiin ang pagdurusa?
Paano haharapin ang umaga?
Muli Mo akong bigyan ng pag-asa
Tulungan Mo akong muling magtiwala

English Version:

The world suddenly stopped from turning
It’s a nightmare, am I just dreaming?
How do I erase all my sadness?
Be strong, but all I have is weakness

I will not understand Your reasons
Where to go? All I have are questions
How will I learn to trust You again?
How to hope when there’s no miracle?

How to take away the sufferings?
How do I smile and face each morning?
Lord, please give me another hope
Lord, please teach me to trust You to cope

– written on May 22, 2015

My Last Verse (years after – “and so i thought”)

Author’s Note (more like a disclaimer): I don’t have any suicidal thoughts or anything but during my teen years, somehow I thought I was going to die young so I wrote these verses way back almost 15 years ago. And… I also used to write long stanzas without really editing my thoughts and writing so this is a long poem.

Black clouds surround me
As I see the darkness of the night
The stars lose their lights
And the moon is covered by clouds

As I sit here all alone
I remember everything in my life
Searching for nothing or anything
Except for death that will come

My past walks on by –
I realize the mistakes I had
The present is now here –
But I still can’t bear this emptiness I feel

And so for now, sorry
To those I had hurt and loved
I don’t know what this is all about
But all I ask is forgiveness and love

They may not know and see
That my love for them is so real
So before this life would end,
I say I love them all with all my heart

I thank them for the love,
For all the joys and sorrows I had,
I thank you so much but still –
But still, I need and want to say goodbye…

Though, loneliness I feel
I’m still happy for this eternal gift
And thank Him for all the things
That He had given me for all those wonderful years

This may be my last verse
And so I share this all to you
And please feel the love and care I want to share
Now, allow me to sleep and rest…

Scent of candles is in the air…
Lovely flowers are there to share…
A beautifully-blue bed is waiting there…
And it’s okay if I can’t feel love and care…

My soul will soon be free
There are no regrets in me
So let me fly in the sky
And now take everything away from me…

And now I close my eyes
I see a wonderful sun that shines,
A rainbow that is full of life,
And now I can feel a love that awaits for me…

I may not see tomorrow…
I may not live to see the blue skies again…
I know I’ll never go too far…
And I’ll be too young, yet contented and peaceful to die…

– written on July 5, 2000