Lost And Found

Lost and found (freephotos.aguru.in)

photo credit to freephotos.aguru.in

Author’s Note: This is cheesy but it’s my pre-Valentine’s Day post though it’s a bit early and I wrote this last Dec. Anyway, I’ll be busy that week and haven’t written anything new these days so I’m posting it now. I wrote this as if it was a song but I only have a melody for the refrain part.

I was lost in a world full of chaos
I was lost in search of purpose and cause
I was lost in struggle and confusion
Then you came and I found the direction

Then you add hue and color to my days
You give new meaning and life to my ways
You bring warmth in this agonizing cold
Now I’m living in this magical world

Refrain 1:
And I love you, I love you, I love you
And with you, forever is coming true

You are the sanctuary where I find bliss
You are the temple where I find my peace
You’re the oasis where I find solace
I find a place where love is endless

Bridge:
And I love you, I love you, I love you…
I was all by myself minding my own
Then there was you, I’m no longer alone
We’re living this dream, starting forever
Now I’m no longer seeking for answers
I was lost and I am finally found…

Refrain 2:
And I love you, I love you, I love you
And with us, forever is coming true

– December 17, 2015

My Fear

Understandfasting - com

photo credit to understandfasting.com

Author’s Note: This is about being unsure and feeling that my creativity will soon reach its limits. It is also about falling off the wagon, about going back to the old ways, and about being confused again.

Are you afraid to wake up one morning when you could no longer draw any inspirations?
Wherever you look, wherever you search, everything is distraction
Then the words are gone, they could no longer be heard, written nor spoken
You don’t know what but something is obviously broken

You lie in bed, stare at the clock, watch the hours slowly pass by
A battle in your head, you can’t control it and all you could do is cry
You are back to square one where everything is confusion
You try to escape but your resistance pulls you more in that direction

Are you afraid to only see blur and your mind is blind folded?
It’s a chaos but it’s reality and sadly, this is where you are headed
You flip around, you try not to think but clearly, you are losing it
No matter how hard you try, it’s a vicious loop and there is no exit

You world is crumbling, it’s insanity, you asked, “Is it the end?”
There is no way out, it’s a free fall and all you could do is just to descend…
Are you afraid to wake up one morning realizing you no longer have inspirations?
And welcome you back to the world where everything is question and confusion?

Are you afraid?

I am.

– January 15, 2016

Snow / Nyebe

IMG_20140415_071132

Author’s Note: Since it’s been snowing, I’m posting this poem I wrote in 2013 about snow. Originally written in Filipino then I later translated it in English (in 2014) though I still prefer the Filipino version.

Snow (English Version):

Miracle of nature
This you will discover
Beauty of nature
This you will experience

Surroundings are all white
It will amaze you
It will give you awe
Even trouble will be gone

In each flake, in each fall
It will give you joy
Cotton-field surroundings
This is Christmas’ scene

Mystery of nature
This you will see
Open your heart and soul
Let it mark your memories

– February 10, 2014

Nyebe (Filipino and Original Version):

Hiwaga ng kalikasan
Ang siyang matutuklasan
Kariktan ng kalikasan
Ang siyang masasaksihan

Kapaligira’y kay puti
Tunay ngang mabibighani
Mamamangha pa parati
Sulirani’y mapapawi

Bawat butil, bawat patak
Katumbas nito ay galak
Mababalutan ng bulak
Diwang pasko ang halimuyak

Misteryo ng kalikasan
Ang siyang matatagpuan
Puso’t isipan ay buksan
Alaala ay bakasan

– December 18, 2013

The Story Of 2015 (Kwentong 2015)

2015

photo credit to topcentral.top

Author’s Note: I started my yearly wrap-up at the end of 2013. I wrote 2013 and 2014 in Filipino. This is a wrap up of my 2015, first time to write this in English… scroll down to the last part for a short poem I wrote about the new year.

If my last 2 years were roller coaster rides, 2015 was the exact opposite! It actually started with full of excitement, looking forward to the change, to my new work, to a new chapter. I wished I could sum up my 2015 with this word – excitement – but this word is overrated. Instead, my 2015 is best described by this word – boredom.

Positive boredom, as I’ve said in one of my writings in 2015. I was probably just convincing myself that there is such a thing. Fortunately, this boredom led to explorations.

Story of Boredom (or Story of Stress)

If I were to graph and compare my stress level in 2014 and 2015, it would look like this:

kwentong 2015

Definitely less stress this year! It’s good, right? Well, my stress mainly come from work and since I started my new job in Dec 2014, my stress significantly decreased. I was filled with excitement when I changed job then somehow, it diminished and suddenly evaporated. I lost my fire when I didn’t get enough adrenaline rush from work then I felt bored.

It was a “positive boredom” since everything was okay. There was less stress, no issues at work, new work wasn’t that difficult, I don’t have complains about my bosses, my colleagues or the company. But that was the problem, it was just okay! Nothing special, everything’s normal, just fine, just okay! Then before I knew it, I was already trapped in a quicksand and I was gradually sinking into a vacuum where I would drown. I had to recover fast or else it’s going to be the end…

Story of Life and Death

Then, a relative who just got married, suddenly passed away at a young age of 33. The cause of death was MRSA, a bacteria that caused his organs to shut down. He was survived by a pregnant wife. Very tragic but it’s not the end of the world. We have to carry on. We have to cope with death no matter how painful it is.

He was also a doctor and was in the process of completing his specialization. His demise served as a reminder and a reaffirmation on how short life is. One day, I may be practicing my chosen day job or writing or worse – just spending my days being bored then next day, I might be gone. Why waste my life to boredom and/or to something that doesn’t make me better, like being stuck? I must recover from these blues now! Whatever it takes, I need to pull myself from this quicksand. And so…

Story of Exploration

First exploration – I need to lose weight! Not only that I gained several pounds because of stress eating in my roller coaster years, I also need to prove to myself once again that I am disciplined and determined. Since I have more time now because of better work-life, why not devote some of my hours to working out? Hurray! After 1 yr, I lost 20lbs! (I worked hard to earn this bragging right so let me brag now while I still can.) Though now, I’m feeling the pressure of maintaining this weight and lifestyle. Hmmm, let’s see how this goes. Maybe by end of 2016, I will gain 50lbs! Uh oh, I wish not!

Second exploration – I need to network and build relationships! Network has an important role in my day job and since I also want to improve myself, why not meet new people? For an introvert like me, this was very difficult. I am socially awkward and I have social anxiety whenever I meet people from finance or even going out with my officemates. I just can’t handle small talks but I have to be out of my comfort zone. I’m still working on this but I’m getting by very slowly! I met a couple of new people this year. I’m happy that I am maintaining contacts with my previous co-workers too. I’m hoping this will continue in 2016 so this is another let’s-see. Finally, my third exploration…

Story of Passion (a.k.a. “Kwentong Heto na Kaya” or in English Story of Is this It)

It’s been my tradition to have an update to this story. This is my third exploration – my passion, my writing! Stop asking questions, stop being confused, THIS IS IT! Pursuing passion will always be an ongoing journey, always an exploration, a learning process that will never end unless I quit.

Thankfully, before the year ended, I finally managed (and hopefully succeeded) to write something different, something that is not about my rant and less personal. But I want more! I want to be more inspired, I want to see all the possibilities and explore what I am capable of. Who knows, I might finish my short story this year.

A new year, a new beginning
A hope to continue living
A start to mend the broken heart
A plan to finally play the part
To dream while pursuing passion
To find any inspiration
To smile and laugh in bad days
In this new year, this new chapter
I’m committed to be better

I’m looking forward to what 2016 will bring despite not knowing about the future. As is the ending of my yearly wrap-ups, here I am still singing and dancing, Bollywood style*:

All izz well
Woot woot woot
Hey bro, all izz well…

*This is a song from my favorite movie, an Indian film about passion and excellence, 3 Idiots.

– January 6, 2016

First Working Day Struggle

jan 4 2016

Author’s Note: Happy 2016! I hope 2016 will be great and awesome for all of us! I was planning to start my year by posting a wrap-up of my 2015, a very personal blog, but I haven’t finished it yet. I ended up writing a poem about my struggle today, to be back at work after the holidays. Here goes…

Brrr… It is minus fifteen today
I still want to slumber and snooze
But it’s the first working day
Must start my year right or I’ll lose

Coming from a week vacation
It’s hard to tell my brain to work
I’m rusty, in hibernation
I’m so lazy, I’m such a dork

Need to psych myself to be fine
Must take the high road; see the light
It’s back to work, stop all the whine
Back to reality, go win this fight!

– January 4, 2016