Author’s Note: This is an excerpt from my last night’s long and vivid dream.
Today, I woke up from a dream –
Many were trapped in a huge mansion
Running from infected, looking for a way out
Then you were kidnapped.
People ran from one room to another.
People hid while figuring an escape route.
Until I finally found you
In a forest-like room, you were standing
You were full of life,
You were happy and free.
You asked, “How’s life? Any kids yet?”
I said, “None, of course but everything’s fine.’
Then I told you, “Let’s keep moving.
The infected are coming.”
“I’m tired from running, let me stay here.”
Unsure if I would agree but time is passing
I know I can’t force you to so I just said:
“Can I at least embrace you for one last time?”
As I was spreading my arms to hug you tight
You were slowly vanishing –
But the last thing that disappeared
Was the smile stuck in your lips…
Today, I woke up from a dream
Where I saw you happy and free.
It’s almost four years since you left
And I am still missing your presence
Your love and greatness I will never forget
And I will always remember that smile –
Your smile which was stuck in your lips
As I was embracing you last night.
I miss you. I love you, Mommy.
I can’t sleep. I’m feeling restless.
I keep on flipping around.
Trying to figure out something
But come out with nothing.
I stare at the ceiling.
I look at the clock.
It’s past 1 and my head’s still spinning.
I must sleep and rest.
Tomorrow is another workday.
But my mind is still wide awake.
It’s searching for the impossible;
Trying to find ways to surpass this.
Yet no matter how hard I think,
I always go back to zero – to nothing!
It’s been more than a year.
I take detours; I divert my frustrations.
My fear has gradually become my reality.
I must face this now, no way to deflect it.
I tell myself to have faith, to let it be.
But I am not convinced. I am fading…
And I just always end up anxious,
without really solving anything –
Where’s my passion? Where’s my fire?
What had gone wrong? Why did it die?
How do I bring it back? How do I be inspired?
I am slowly fading into the night…
Author’s Note: Busy week so here’s to sum up what I am feeling in these past weeks.
It’s the feeling when you don’t know what to do –
I wake up early in each workday
Just to look forward to my end of day
I’m bored when I’m not doing much at work
I’m still bored when I’m swamped with work
I’m contemplating of changing job
But whenever I see an opportunity, I let it pass
The ironies of my life!
Clearly, something is not right!