I Am Fading…

I can’t sleep. I’m feeling restless.
I keep on flipping around.
Trying to figure out something
But come out with nothing.
I stare at the ceiling.
I look at the clock.
It’s past 1 and my head’s still spinning.
I must sleep and rest.
Tomorrow is another workday.
But my mind is still wide awake.
It’s searching for the impossible;
Trying to find ways to surpass this.
Yet no matter how hard I think,
I always go back to zero – to nothing!

It’s been more than a year.
I take detours; I divert my frustrations.
My fear has gradually become my reality.
I must face this now, no way to deflect it.
I tell myself to have faith, to let it be.
But I am not convinced. I am fading…

And I just always end up anxious,
without really solving anything –
Where’s my passion? Where’s my fire?
What had gone wrong? Why did it die?
How do I bring it back? How do I be inspired?
I am slowly fading into the night…

– May 2, 2016

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