Innocence and Positivity

innocence and positivity

Writer’s Note: I associate positivity with rainbow, hence the picture. I wrote this more than 5 years ago. I just posted it here because I submitted it to Chicken Soup but it wasn’t selected.

Whenever I reach my boiling point, I unintentionally always end up going back to my true passion. For reasons unknown, it triggers my right brain to work. When that happens, I scramble about something or I reread my past writings. Luckily for me, tonight, I ended up doing both.

I don’t usually reread the writings I made earlier than 2005. Why? I don’t know, there was still no confusion prior to 2005 and my writings back then were about love and friendship. I feel that most of those were childish. But tonight was special. I went thru my writings from more than a decade ago. It amazes me. It seems that the writings I made more than a decade ago and the writings I made in the past 5 years were written by two different people! It was very noticeable that I took a break from writing during the years of 2004-2005. And after my short hiatus, things have changed. It gives me awe on how I evolve as a writer. My writing style has definitely changed, even the language I used and obviously, the topics I chose.

Rereading my old writings is like looking at old photo albums or better yet, it’s like reading my diary. What surprises me more is how my attitude has changed. Back in university, my literature professor who is, by the way, one of my influences in writing, told us to ponder on this topic: “What Makes Me Beautiful?”. Back then, I had so much positivity and innocence. Contented and satisfied! Blessings are outpouring! Life is beautiful! Death is beautiful! Everything is beautiful and these make me beautiful!

Somewhere between my confusion and frustrations, somewhere between facing death and failures, I lost my innocence and positivity. I forgot about them while I was growing up. I am too disappointed, too distracted, too focused on just finding answers. I attracted too much negativity and I took for granted the things that really matter.

I need to bring these back. May be I was living in Utopia back then. I know I wouldn’t be able to bring back my old idealistic self but somehow I need that little something from that youngster named (insert my full name here). That’s my take away from tonight. I know I’m not going to have enough sleep tomorrow to face my busy day, but hopefully what I have learned from my old self will keep me awake and will give me the power to survive positively. 🙂

– November 21, 2013

Letter To A Love That Got Away

I wake up each day thinking about the what ifs
Regrets are piling up, I wish to turn back the days
But decision was made, sadly I’m now adrift
This is for the love I now badly want to stay

With you I was free yet it seemed it was a crime
With you I thought I had finally found the one
If only we’d met in a different lifetime…
This is for the love I wish I’d fought for then won

So I’m sorry, love, it was brief but not a mistake
I had to accept it was meant to go astray
Yet here I am, still living with could haves and aches
This is for my true love that had gotten away

– August 15, 2017

Eclipse

eclipse

photo credit to nytimes.com

Let’s dance underneath the moonlight
Let’s enjoy playing with our shadows while they last
Let’s be fascinated with the disappearing glow
Then hold my hand and together let’s go
Let us go into the darkness
Where we cannot see anything
But the illumination of our spirits
Let our senses be awakened
Let our souls be ignited
Let our hearts be united
Just hold me close and let us stay still
Then let’s surrender everything…
Everything to the darkness
And soon we’ll know what it means…

Come, hurry, let’s enjoy
Let’s dance in this shadowless night
Let’s listen to the music from our hearts
Then embrace me and let’s become one
Becoming one with the darkness…

And then soon we shall find light

– March 5, 2019