Writer’s Note: I associate positivity with rainbow, hence the picture. I wrote this more than 5 years ago. I just posted it here because I submitted it to Chicken Soup but it wasn’t selected.
Whenever I reach my boiling point, I unintentionally always end up going back to my true passion. For reasons unknown, it triggers my right brain to work. When that happens, I scramble about something or I reread my past writings. Luckily for me, tonight, I ended up doing both.
I don’t usually reread the writings I made earlier than 2005. Why? I don’t know, there was still no confusion prior to 2005 and my writings back then were about love and friendship. I feel that most of those were childish. But tonight was special. I went thru my writings from more than a decade ago. It amazes me. It seems that the writings I made more than a decade ago and the writings I made in the past 5 years were written by two different people! It was very noticeable that I took a break from writing during the years of 2004-2005. And after my short hiatus, things have changed. It gives me awe on how I evolve as a writer. My writing style has definitely changed, even the language I used and obviously, the topics I chose.
Rereading my old writings is like looking at old photo albums or better yet, it’s like reading my diary. What surprises me more is how my attitude has changed. Back in university, my literature professor who is, by the way, one of my influences in writing, told us to ponder on this topic: “What Makes Me Beautiful?”. Back then, I had so much positivity and innocence. Contented and satisfied! Blessings are outpouring! Life is beautiful! Death is beautiful! Everything is beautiful and these make me beautiful!
Somewhere between my confusion and frustrations, somewhere between facing death and failures, I lost my innocence and positivity. I forgot about them while I was growing up. I am too disappointed, too distracted, too focused on just finding answers. I attracted too much negativity and I took for granted the things that really matter.
I need to bring these back. May be I was living in Utopia back then. I know I wouldn’t be able to bring back my old idealistic self but somehow I need that little something from that youngster named (insert my full name here). That’s my take away from tonight. I know I’m not going to have enough sleep tomorrow to face my busy day, but hopefully what I have learned from my old self will keep me awake and will give me the power to survive positively. 🙂
– November 21, 2013