Defeated

I fell and I stumbled
I was down, I was troubled
I can’t pick myself up
There was no way to get up
No strength to even try
And all I could do was cry
From despair, from anger
For not having the power
To control my dumb mind
Then command the brain to find
The love and the passion
To seek a motivation
But I only faltered
To defeat, I surrendered

– July 10, 2019

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One With God

When the blue sky is turning into gray
I get lost, always searching for answers
When things get tough and not going my way
It’s the time to pause and say my prayers

When I lose grip on things I can’t control
I question how and why it’s so unjust
I feel I’m farther away from my goal
But I try to let go and put my trust

I rely on the miracle from above
Where I can’t be ignored, I am not odd
And it is all about faith, hope, and love
Then I try, I aim to be one with God

– May 19, 2019

One With Darkness

The moon is full, it is shining
A feast, a celebration of life
I am in awe, it’s enlightening
As the night washes away the strife

As I look up, my soul rejoices
I see the stars engulf the black skies
I feel the evening’s warmth caresses
But it’s missing a pure sacrifice

My shadow dances with the moonlight
In anticipation of greatness
And as the light fades into the night
β€ŽI will be one with the darkness

– May 18, 2019

Traveling To A Blurred Destiny

photo credit to pixabay.com

A crossroad? No! I can’t even see a road
It is being in the woods with a blind fold
I’m totally lost, wandering the unknown
Just trusting my senses to lead me to you

And I keep stumbling, falling into the pit
Picking myself up gets harder and harder
But I try to follow the sound of your voice
β€ŽIt’s my only guide in this bleak surrounding

As I open my eyes with hope to see clearly
There’s a fog, it’s enveloping the horizon
And all I can do is to pray, to listen
Then continue this journey with only faith…

I’m still stuck somewhere in the woods, in the pit
It’s unlikely I’ll figure my way out soon
But as long as I hear your voice, calling me
I know I’m in the path towards my destiny

– October 2, 2017

Chasing You

chasing

photo credit to loanofficertips.com

Hey! Would you please slow down?
I’m tired from running after you
You’re too fast and I’m so slow
Or maybe you could stop?
Wait for an hour or maybe two
So I can keep up with you

I don’t want to be left behind
I want to be on the same pace
Despite moving as fast as I could
Despite planning what to do
I always find myself in a hurry
Hurrying to be with you

But no matter what I try, what I do
You wouldn’t let me catch up
You seem close but you are far
It’s like I am chasing a ghost
Truth is, I am chasing for nothing
Maybe it’s time to stop chasing you

I’m now exhausted but I still can’t stop
I guess I’m just drawn to chasing you…
I’m drawn to chasing time…

– May 8, 2019

Anxious

I live in anxiety
Of the unknown
Of all uncertainties
Of all risks

It is irrational
It is illogical
But I’m a slave
I’m under its spell

I am trapped
It’s controlling me
Fear is taking over
Soon I’ll find my end

Then it will be done
As I succumb to it
And to nothingness
That’s where I’ll be

– May 12, 2019

Innocence and Positivity

innocence and positivity

Writer’s Note: I associate positivity with rainbow, hence the picture. I wrote this more than 5 years ago. I just posted it here because I submitted it to Chicken Soup but it wasn’t selected.

Whenever I reach my boiling point, I unintentionally always end up going back to my true passion. For reasons unknown, it triggers my right brain to work. When that happens, I scramble about something or I reread my past writings. Luckily for me, tonight, I ended up doing both.

I don’t usually reread the writings I made earlier than 2005. Why? I don’t know, there was still no confusion prior to 2005 and my writings back then were about love and friendship. I feel that most of those were childish. But tonight was special. I went thru my writings from more than a decade ago. It amazes me. It seems that the writings I made more than a decade ago and the writings I made in the past 5 years were written by two different people! It was very noticeable that I took a break from writing during the years of 2004-2005. And after my short hiatus, things have changed. It gives me awe on how I evolve as a writer. My writing style has definitely changed, even the language I used and obviously, the topics I chose.

Rereading my old writings is like looking at old photo albums or better yet, it’s like reading my diary. What surprises me more is how my attitude has changed. Back in university, my literature professor who is, by the way, one of my influences in writing, told us to ponder on this topic: “What Makes Me Beautiful?”. Back then, I had so much positivity and innocence. Contented and satisfied! Blessings are outpouring! Life is beautiful! Death is beautiful! Everything is beautiful and these make me beautiful!

Somewhere between my confusion and frustrations, somewhere between facing death and failures, I lost my innocence and positivity. I forgot about them while I was growing up. I am too disappointed, too distracted, too focused on just finding answers. I attracted too much negativity and I took for granted the things that really matter.

I need to bring these back. May be I was living in Utopia back then. I know I wouldn’t be able to bring back my old idealistic self but somehow I need that little something from that youngster named (insert my full name here). That’s my take away from tonight. I know I’m not going to have enough sleep tomorrow to face my busy day, but hopefully what I have learned from my old self will keep me awake and will give me the power to survive positively. πŸ™‚

– November 21, 2013