Chess

articolo29-it

photo credit to articolo29.it

Author’s Note: I have two versions of this writing – the other one was already posted here.

Minutes are passing
It’s your turn, what now?
Show me so I would know
Which pawn should I use
Will I take the bait?
Or will it be a check?
Now it’s a check
Protect the king
Hide behind the rook
It’s the queen’s move
But a knight’s mistake
Bishop’s avenging
But there’s nowhere to go
Is it checkmate? The end?
I failed and lost
I struggled in this battle
This battle of waiting

– September 20, 2016

Wherever

photo credit to flexjobs.com

I was hoping to bring back my lost fire, my lost drive
But I couldn’t find them in spite of my effort and strive
I thought a new place would be the start of discovery
Unfortunately, some things are not just meant to be

I initially thought it would be my way to freedom
Or maybe it’d be another disguise of a kingdom
A kingdom of a new hell where I would be again sucked
So I guess it was for the best so I will not be stuck

Clearly, a new place is not the answer to my questions
Wherever I go I could not find any solution
Maybe I just need to surrender – let go – let it be
Accept my fate into nothingness, that’s where I will be

– May 9, 2017

A Glimpse Of What Could Have

I guess I just assumed that I was okay, all right
Then I saw a glimpse of something different, new light
It opened a new world that I never imagined
A place where I want to be but it is not destined

The more I think about it, the more I badly want it
It was my mistake to believe that it was a fit
My fault to hope for something beyond my capacity
It changed my views – things are no longer the way I see

Now I’m back to my prison without even a gleam
Could I go back to yesterdays with unshattered dream?
Because now I’m sulking over something I never had
I wish I have never seen the glimpse of what could have

– May 9, 2017

I Am…

photo credit to campusdish.com

I am again counting every minute
Itching every moment until I’m restless

I am drumming my fingers on my desk
Strumming to the beat of an empty tune

I am staring blankly at my PC screen
Focusing beyond my mind’s consciousness

I am studying flowcharts and numbers
Calculating my imagination’s depth

I am looking outside, admiring the scene
Anticipating change to this unknown pace

I am pretending – pretending this is life
Wondering if I would ever be unmasked

– March 22, 2017

Roundabout

roundabout

photo credit to twitter.com

It is a roundabout and I can’t find my exit
It is unsetting, I wonder if I’m losing it
I just drive in circles until my gas is emptied
Or until my mind to eventually see a lead

My path is clearly blocked by this insanity
And vision is blurred towards the road to destiny
It is puzzling and my engine is slowly dying
But I will keep driving even if I’m just circling

THIS is my roundabout and I can’t find THE exit
I’m getting restless, soon, I might be losing it
I still drive in loops hoping my tank is refilled
For I need to stay here until THE way is revealed

– March 14, 2017

Just Quit

capture

photo credit to the odyssey online

Quit and put an end to it all
Now it’s time to answer the call
Listen to the universe’s cry
All you have to do is to try

Resign and leave it all behind
The purpose of life you will find
Forget your worries, let it be
Do it and it will set you free

– January 17, 2017

The Story Of 2016 (Full Text)

flog-tk

photo credit to flog.tk

Author’s Note: I posted the poem earlier and here’s the full text of my 2016 wrap-up.

If 2015 was The Year of Boredom, 2016 was The Year of Lost Passion.

Story of Boredom (2015 continued…)

It was quietly disguise as a paradise
It took me a while to finally realize
It was a journey to the bottom of the pit
I was hell-bound, I know I had to resist

I had been struggling with boredom since 2015. It continued in 2016 and I reached the peak (or the bottom?) of boredom. Good thing, Pokemon Go happened. So in summer 2016, catching Pokemons was the only thing I was looking forward to in each workday. I know it was shallow but it made me realize how unhappy I was in my day job.

I tried to be patient and endured the agony. I hoped for something good to happen despite being clueless on what would that be. The boredom paved the way for me to write more and let my imagination wander. The boredom was a blessing in disguise, actually. Though I still haven’t finished my short story, I found a different side of a writer in me and re-affirm that writing is my true aspiration. It was so tempting to just stay put, to write while continue earning from my day job but then…

Story of Lost Passion

‎I was unsure, it was difficult to break away
Until I lost my passion along the way
And the absence of fire I can no longer bear
It was my wake up call, time to start all over

But then… I’m such a geek and I enjoy the finance profession. I want to be in a place where I can add value. I want to wake up each workday and look forward to contributing to the company. It was no longer challenging and it led to boredom and that boredom took away my drive towards my work. When I lost my drive, I realized I want to be passionate in both worlds, at least for now – to write on the side and to have a fulfilling day job. And so…

Story of Exploration

So I closed that chapter and welcomed a new norm
Hoping to bring back that something to its full form
Though it is an infinite travel to passion
I am now excited at this exploration

And so… I finally pulled myself from my comfortable boredom. Work is a menial part of my life but I still devote a lot of time to it each day. I don’t want to waste my hours feeling miserable. Luckily, I found a new job. Now, I’m determined to bring back the passion, fire, and drive that I lost in my 2015-2016 journey.

I know I will no longer be as enthusiastic about my day job compared to 3-4 years ago. It is a conscious choice as I’m in very different state now – work is no longer my top priority. As long as I’m not wasting hours, then I am good. In my new job, I am no longer bored, I am no longer miserable, and I am slowly getting my drive back. Then hopefully, I would get more emotional and financial security from my day job so I can craft a plan to reach my dream as a writer. Then eventually transition – to do finance work on the side and to write full time (oh gosh, this is so far-fetched *face palm*).

By the way, during the time when I was so pumped up because of the new job, an accident happened which caused stress to my household. Thank God there was no casualty and the result was favourable to us. But it was a speed bump reminding me about more important things in life.‎

Anyway, if 2015 was The Year of Boredom and 2016 was The Year of Lost Passion, I wonder what 2017 would be? This year, besides getting my drive back, I also want to continue my “less-junk-food” lifestyle and be healthy. Most of all, I want to continue my travel to passion. I am so excited to explore the things I will write. I am so excited to be more inspired while of course, still singing and dancing (Bollywood style) to the sound track from my favorite movie of all time, 3 Idiots…

All izz well
Woot woot woot
Hey bro, all izz well…

– January 12, 2017