The Story Of 2016 (Full Text)

flog-tk

photo credit to flog.tk

Author’s Note: I posted the poem earlier and here’s the full text of my 2016 wrap-up.

If 2015 was The Year of Boredom, 2016 was The Year of Lost Passion.

Story of Boredom (2015 continued…)

It was quietly disguise as a paradise
It took me a while to finally realize
It was a journey to the bottom of the pit
I was hell-bound, I know I had to resist

I had been struggling with boredom since 2015. It continued in 2016 and I reached the peak (or the bottom?) of boredom. Good thing, Pokemon Go happened. So in summer 2016, catching Pokemons was the only thing I was looking forward to in each workday. I know it was shallow but it made me realize how unhappy I was in my day job.

I tried to be patient and endured the agony. I hoped for something good to happen despite being clueless on what would that be. The boredom paved the way for me to write more and let my imagination wander. The boredom was a blessing in disguise, actually. Though I still haven’t finished my short story, I found a different side of a writer in me and re-affirm that writing is my true aspiration. It was so tempting to just stay put, to write while continue earning from my day job but then…

Story of Lost Passion

‎I was unsure, it was difficult to break away
Until I lost my passion along the way
And the absence of fire I can no longer bear
It was my wake up call, time to start all over

But then… I’m such a geek and I enjoy the finance profession. I want to be in a place where I can add value. I want to wake up each workday and look forward to contributing to the company. It was no longer challenging and it led to boredom and that boredom took away my drive towards my work. When I lost my drive, I realized I want to be passionate in both worlds, at least for now – to write on the side and to have a fulfilling day job. And so…

Story of Exploration

So I closed that chapter and welcomed a new norm
Hoping to bring back that something to its full form
Though it is an infinite travel to passion
I am now excited at this exploration

And so… I finally pulled myself from my comfortable boredom. Work is a menial part of my life but I still devote a lot of time to it each day. I don’t want to waste my hours feeling miserable. Luckily, I found a new job. Now, I’m determined to bring back the passion, fire, and drive that I lost in my 2015-2016 journey.

I know I will no longer be as enthusiastic about my day job compared to 3-4 years ago. It is a conscious choice as I’m in very different state now – work is no longer my top priority. As long as I’m not wasting hours, then I am good. In my new job, I am no longer bored, I am no longer miserable, and I am slowly getting my drive back. Then hopefully, I would get more emotional and financial security from my day job so I can craft a plan to reach my dream as a writer. Then eventually transition – to do finance work on the side and to write full time (oh gosh, this is so far-fetched *face palm*).

By the way, during the time when I was so pumped up because of the new job, an accident happened which caused stress to my household. Thank God there was no casualty and the result was favourable to us. But it was a speed bump reminding me about more important things in life.‎

Anyway, if 2015 was The Year of Boredom and 2016 was The Year of Lost Passion, I wonder what 2017 would be? This year, besides getting my drive back, I also want to continue my “less-junk-food” lifestyle and be healthy. Most of all, I want to continue my travel to passion. I am so excited to explore the things I will write. I am so excited to be more inspired while of course, still singing and dancing (Bollywood style) to the sound track from my favorite movie of all time, 3 Idiots…

All izz well
Woot woot woot
Hey bro, all izz well…

– January 12, 2017

The Story Of 2016 (Poem)

flog-tk

photo credit to flog.tk

Author’s Note: I started writing a yearly wrap-up in 2013. Here’s a poem summarizing my 2016, with hyperlinks to some poems I wrote last year. I also have a full text which I will post separately and probably later or tomorrow.

It was quietly disguise as a paradise
It took me a while to finally realize
It was a journey to the bottom of the pit
I was hell-bound, I know I had to resist

I was unsure, it was difficult to break away
Until I lost my passion along the way
And the absence of fire I can no longer bear
It was my wake up call, time to start all over

So I closed that chapter and welcomed a new norm
Hoping to bring back that something to its full form
Though it is an infinite travel to passion
I am now excited at this exploration

– January 9, 2017

In Search Of Fire (My 2016 So Far)

genius

photo credit to genius.com

My fire, drive and passion vanished without a trace
I was in denial, I thought it was just a phase
I endured the loss until I cannot take this place
Now, I vow to find you no matter what I’ll face

My 2016 so far can be summed in 3 words – My Fire Disappeared. It didn’t happen in an instant, it was painfully gradual. Looking back, it started sometime the second quarter of last year. If you’re waking up each day and you’re not looking forward to your day then something is clearly wrong. I was already feeling it but my mind was refusing to accept. I thought it was just a phase, the aftermath of change but after a year of battling with my head, I can no longer deny it. I had to embrace that my fire, my drive, and my passion* – they disappeared. I am not happy with my job and I have become what I have dreaded, a zombie worker!

So what now? When you’re not happy with your job, quit, right? Always easier said than done. I was waiting for ‘the’ day for practical and financial reasons. Besides, I already know that writing is my passion. I’m happy that my boredom paved the way for what I am capable of – from writing dark plots to mushy song-like poems to something less personal but I’m not talking about this passion. I’m talking about the motivation and passion towards my day job. Let’s face it, I cannot quit yet nor shift to writing. I need money and despite all my rant, I actually enjoy my profession (note: profession is different from actual job). At first I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to write if I were to quit my job so I was a bit hesitant. But while enduring the loss of my drive, I gained confidence that I can and I will write no matter what I do for a living. I am no longer confused. Painfully and gradually, I accepted that this work is not just my cup of tea. It doesn’t give me a sense of fulfillment; it only gives me boredom. So what do I do now?

Of course… I just have to write about what I’m feeling and voila! Instant poem! But seriously, I badly need my fire back. I guess writing about it is the start. Writing until finally accepting the situation. Eventually, I got sick and tired about my rant so it’s time to take action and find a new job. But hold on, what about ‘the’ day? I only have a general plan but it’s not clear-cut but (with fingers crossed) if something comes along, I would not think twice. If I can leave this misery now, that would be priceless, right? Why wait for ‘the’ day?

I am currently in limbo, waiting for a call, hoping for an offer.** The future is uncertain but I choose to believe in destiny. Destiny gives me something to hope for. Destiny assures me that things will always be for the better. Blind faith! If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be. But I need to do something to be a step closer to my destiny and find my fire! I will not find it unless I step out from this miserable yet comfortable state. I hope my next moves would be the right and the only way to it. Well, if things don’t work out, then I’ll just have to endure more and extend this detour, then hope to learn a different perspective. Regardless of what’s going to happen, I’m sure, eventually, I will get there and find my fire, my drive, and my passion back. It’s destiny!

So here’s to the rest of 2016!

Here’s to finding my passion again!

My fire, drive and passion vanished without a trace
I was in denial, I thought it was just a phase
I endured the loss until I cannot take this place
Now, I vow to find you no matter what I’ll face

* I often use the words fire, drive, and passion interchangeably.
** As of posting, I got an offer and accepted a new job. Hopefully this is one way to finding my fire again.

– September 12, 2016

The Story Of 2015 (Kwentong 2015)

2015

photo credit to topcentral.top

Author’s Note: I started my yearly wrap-up at the end of 2013. I wrote 2013 and 2014 in Filipino. This is a wrap up of my 2015, first time to write this in English… scroll down to the last part for a short poem I wrote about the new year.

If my last 2 years were roller coaster rides, 2015 was the exact opposite! It actually started with full of excitement, looking forward to the change, to my new work, to a new chapter. I wished I could sum up my 2015 with this word – excitement – but this word is overrated. Instead, my 2015 is best described by this word – boredom.

Positive boredom, as I’ve said in one of my writings in 2015. I was probably just convincing myself that there is such a thing. Fortunately, this boredom led to explorations.

Story of Boredom (or Story of Stress)

If I were to graph and compare my stress level in 2014 and 2015, it would look like this:

kwentong 2015

Definitely less stress this year! It’s good, right? Well, my stress mainly come from work and since I started my new job in Dec 2014, my stress significantly decreased. I was filled with excitement when I changed job then somehow, it diminished and suddenly evaporated. I lost my fire when I didn’t get enough adrenaline rush from work then I felt bored.

It was a “positive boredom” since everything was okay. There was less stress, no issues at work, new work wasn’t that difficult, I don’t have complains about my bosses, my colleagues or the company. But that was the problem, it was just okay! Nothing special, everything’s normal, just fine, just okay! Then before I knew it, I was already trapped in a quicksand and I was gradually sinking into a vacuum where I would drown. I had to recover fast or else it’s going to be the end…

Story of Life and Death

Then, a relative who just got married, suddenly passed away at a young age of 33. The cause of death was MRSA, a bacteria that caused his organs to shut down. He was survived by a pregnant wife. Very tragic but it’s not the end of the world. We have to carry on. We have to cope with death no matter how painful it is.

He was also a doctor and was in the process of completing his specialization. His demise served as a reminder and a reaffirmation on how short life is. One day, I may be practicing my chosen day job or writing or worse – just spending my days being bored then next day, I might be gone. Why waste my life to boredom and/or to something that doesn’t make me better, like being stuck? I must recover from these blues now! Whatever it takes, I need to pull myself from this quicksand. And so…

Story of Exploration

First exploration – I need to lose weight! Not only that I gained several pounds because of stress eating in my roller coaster years, I also need to prove to myself once again that I am disciplined and determined. Since I have more time now because of better work-life, why not devote some of my hours to working out? Hurray! After 1 yr, I lost 20lbs! (I worked hard to earn this bragging right so let me brag now while I still can.) Though now, I’m feeling the pressure of maintaining this weight and lifestyle. Hmmm, let’s see how this goes. Maybe by end of 2016, I will gain 50lbs! Uh oh, I wish not!

Second exploration – I need to network and build relationships! Network has an important role in my day job and since I also want to improve myself, why not meet new people? For an introvert like me, this was very difficult. I am socially awkward and I have social anxiety whenever I meet people from finance or even going out with my officemates. I just can’t handle small talks but I have to be out of my comfort zone. I’m still working on this but I’m getting by very slowly! I met a couple of new people this year. I’m happy that I am maintaining contacts with my previous co-workers too. I’m hoping this will continue in 2016 so this is another let’s-see. Finally, my third exploration…

Story of Passion (a.k.a. “Kwentong Heto na Kaya” or in English Story of Is this It)

It’s been my tradition to have an update to this story. This is my third exploration – my passion, my writing! Stop asking questions, stop being confused, THIS IS IT! Pursuing passion will always be an ongoing journey, always an exploration, a learning process that will never end unless I quit.

Thankfully, before the year ended, I finally managed (and hopefully succeeded) to write something different, something that is not about my rant and less personal. But I want more! I want to be more inspired, I want to see all the possibilities and explore what I am capable of. Who knows, I might finish my short story this year.

A new year, a new beginning
A hope to continue living
A start to mend the broken heart
A plan to finally play the part
To dream while pursuing passion
To find any inspiration
To smile and laugh in bad days
In this new year, this new chapter
I’m committed to be better

I’m looking forward to what 2016 will bring despite not knowing about the future. As is the ending of my yearly wrap-ups, here I am still singing and dancing, Bollywood style*:

All izz well
Woot woot woot
Hey bro, all izz well…

*This is a song from my favorite movie, an Indian film about passion and excellence, 3 Idiots.

– January 6, 2016

First Working Day Struggle

jan 4 2016

Author’s Note: Happy 2016! I hope 2016 will be great and awesome for all of us! I was planning to start my year by posting a wrap-up of my 2015, a very personal blog, but I haven’t finished it yet. I ended up writing a poem about my struggle today, to be back at work after the holidays. Here goes…

Brrr… It is minus fifteen today
I still want to slumber and snooze
But it’s the first working day
Must start my year right or I’ll lose

Coming from a week vacation
It’s hard to tell my brain to work
I’m rusty, in hibernation
I’m so lazy, I’m such a dork

Need to psych myself to be fine
Must take the high road; see the light
It’s back to work, stop all the whine
Back to reality, go win this fight!

– January 4, 2016