32 Hours

photo credit to pmstudycircle.com

Writer’s Note: I haven’t written much. I really feel that I’m regressing or maybe just busy taking care of a newborn. Anyway, this was written long time ago but haven’t posted it yet.

I hate this feeling! This agony… THIS AGONY OF WAITING!

I wonder where will I be tomorrow?… This sounds familiar! I already said this last year. But it seems that this question has no answers.

It’s this time of the year again when “Go the Distance” is my song! But will I really get there if I make it through? I really do not know but what I do know is I badly want to pass this exam.

It seems that I am not making any sense. Anyhow…

Nervous, anxious, but anticipating
Confused, frightened yet hoping

Keeping myself busy
But I don’t want to feel too easy

I can’t even relax
Just wanting the time to lapse

32 hours still…
Will keep praying until…

Longest hours of my life again
After this what would I gain?

Stressed, pressured but anticipating
Clueless, unsure yet hoping

What to do? What to do? What to do? It’s seems that I’m having a hard time concentrating?

I don’t want to experience failure for the nth time. I don’t have a plan B nor any other plans for this, just plan A… so please, please, please! Allow me to shout “I’M FINALLY FREE!”

– August 17, 2009

My Agony

I live in struggle with my agony
My mind is screaming, asking for relief
Let me free, save me from my misery
Take me to a place where there is no grief

When I found hope to end my frustration
It was taken and I was left alone
With my own thoughts leading to destruction
Now I’m more trapped in this sickening zone

Now I’m defeated by my agony
I gave up, I surrendered to my mess
My mind fought but it’s my reality
To rock bottom – it’s where I will regress

– October 16, 2017