32 Hours

photo credit to pmstudycircle.com

Writer’s Note: I haven’t written much. I really feel that I’m regressing or maybe just busy taking care of a newborn. Anyway, this was written long time ago but haven’t posted it yet.

I hate this feeling! This agony… THIS AGONY OF WAITING!

I wonder where will I be tomorrow?… This sounds familiar! I already said this last year. But it seems that this question has no answers.

It’s this time of the year again when “Go the Distance” is my song! But will I really get there if I make it through? I really do not know but what I do know is I badly want to pass this exam.

It seems that I am not making any sense. Anyhow…

Nervous, anxious, but anticipating
Confused, frightened yet hoping

Keeping myself busy
But I don’t want to feel too easy

I can’t even relax
Just wanting the time to lapse

32 hours still…
Will keep praying until…

Longest hours of my life again
After this what would I gain?

Stressed, pressured but anticipating
Clueless, unsure yet hoping

What to do? What to do? What to do? It’s seems that I’m having a hard time concentrating?

I don’t want to experience failure for the nth time. I don’t have a plan B nor any other plans for this, just plan A… so please, please, please! Allow me to shout “I’M FINALLY FREE!”

– August 17, 2009

My Subconscious Is Killing Me

photo credit to pmstudycircle.com

Writer’s Note: I haven’t written much lately so this was an old one, written in 2009 when I was waiting for the results of an exam.

I woke up at the wrong side of the bed
I just had a bad dream, I guess
Ignoring the moment that I have dreaded
Yet it came out naturally in my unconsciousness

Oblivion – that’s what I want
Preoccupied by lots of things except “that”
But when I shut my eyes and dreamed
My subconscious killed me while I was asleep

Feeling restless again
Stressed on what would “that” be
On “that” night what would I gain?
Please, I just want to be free!

– August 13, 2009

Searching for the Impossibility and Gulo

Author’s Note: Two poems I wrote in the same day, one in English and the other in Filipino. They’re not a translation of each other but both are pertaining to one topic. I wrote this after I failed Level 2 of CFA Exam. During this time, I don’t know if I should still go on or just do other things. This was also during the years when I was so confused and looking for my passion. Here goes… p.s. I posted this in 2013, reposting it to add tags.

Searching for the Impossibility

A depressing thought inside my head
What’s going on? I cannot comprehend
Can’t leave all these things behind
Keep hunting me even when I try to hide

Nowhere to go, what path to take?
Where am I going in this mess?
Nowhere to run, I badly need a break
Cause I’ve been trying to find the exit in this maze

All I want is to make everything fine
Yet this is impossible this time
Am I an idealist? Probably yes
Is it not right to always hope for the best?

I want to escape, I want to scream
I want to search for my inner peace
I don’t want to be confused – left in the dark
I don’t need these headaches – please let me out

Gulo

Ang lungkot ng buhay kapag walang patutunguhan
Di mawari kung ano ang nasa aking isipan
Pinipilit isaayos ang mga bagay-bagay
Ngunit sa twing aking susubukan tila ba wala namang saysay

O kay gulo nitong aking katayuan
Para ba’ng pagninilay-nilay na wala ng katapusan
Kailan kaya mahahanap ang kapayapaan
Sana bukas paggising ko, mayroon na akong kasagutan

– written on September 4, 2007