Lost Traveller

lost traveller

photo credit to thelosttraveller.com

The mind wanders into an endless road
With a burden it’s trying to unload
Then look for passion to bring back the fire
So as to follow the heart’s only desire

The mind’s travel starts in a paradise
With all hopes, without the uncovered lies
But the path widens into an abyss
The mind then panics, it struggles to find peace

The mind can’t escape, there’s nowhere to hide
The only way out is to enjoy this ride
So it drifts – like freely flows with the sea
As the mind’s a floater, lost in this journey

– August 18, 2017

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Bewildered Mind / Magulong Isipan

photo credit to 123RF.com

Author’s Note: I wrote the Filipino version first then translated it to English.

My absolutely bewildered mind
Is simply wandering everywhere
Without any hint of destination
Just circling without any vision

Travelled towards the north and the east
Hoping to have a gaze at the sun
But not even a trace of ray was seen
And the light leading the way was dim

Then walked towards the south and the west
Hoping for answers to be unveiled
Instead, only more questions were found
So in the dark, that’s where it landed

My absolutely bewildered mind
Just desiring for a destination
But it’s running in an endless road
Continuing its journey to unknown

Filipino Version:

Ang sadyang magulo kong isipan
Na naglalakbay kung saan-saan
Ngunit wala naming patutunguhan
Umiikot ng walang kabuluhan

Bumayba sa hilaga’t silangan
Umasang ang araw ay masilayan
Ngunit hindi man lang nasinagan
Ng liwanag na sana ay daan

Nilakad ang timog at kanluran
Upang maghanap ng kasagutan
Ngunit mga tanong ang natagpuan
Kaya’t sa dilim ang naging hantungan

Ang sadyang magulo kong isipan
Ang tanging hangad ay patutunguhan
Tumatakbo ng walang katapusan
Patuloy ang lakbay sa kawalan

– April 25, 2017

Wherever

photo credit to flexjobs.com

I was hoping to bring back my lost fire, my lost drive
But I couldn’t find them in spite of my effort and strive
I thought a new place would be the start of discovery
Unfortunately, some things are not just meant to be

I initially thought it would be my way to freedom
Or maybe it’d be another disguise of a kingdom
A kingdom of a new hell where I would be again sucked
So I guess it was for the best so I will not be stuck

Clearly, a new place is not the answer to my questions
Wherever I go I could not find any solution
Maybe I just need to surrender – let go – let it be
Accept my fate into nothingness, that’s where I will be

– May 9, 2017

I Will Find My Passion Again

quoteaddicts-com

photo credit to quoteaddicts.com

I used to have drive and now I have none
I have no inspirations, my fire is gone
Can’t you see this is what boredom has done!
Now I’m back to chaos, back to square one

So I went to the pit and endured the pain
Just to look for passion and be whole again
I searched everywhere but all was in vain
Now I’m lost, defeated and mentally drained

So back to drawing board, figure this out
I need to find you no matter which route
I refuse to fail but I should have no doubt
It’s the start; it’s what passion is all about

– August 31, 2016

In Search Of Fire (My 2016 So Far)

genius

photo credit to genius.com

My fire, drive and passion vanished without a trace
I was in denial, I thought it was just a phase
I endured the loss until I cannot take this place
Now, I vow to find you no matter what I’ll face

My 2016 so far can be summed in 3 words – My Fire Disappeared. It didn’t happen in an instant, it was painfully gradual. Looking back, it started sometime the second quarter of last year. If you’re waking up each day and you’re not looking forward to your day then something is clearly wrong. I was already feeling it but my mind was refusing to accept. I thought it was just a phase, the aftermath of change but after a year of battling with my head, I can no longer deny it. I had to embrace that my fire, my drive, and my passion* – they disappeared. I am not happy with my job and I have become what I have dreaded, a zombie worker!

So what now? When you’re not happy with your job, quit, right? Always easier said than done. I was waiting for ‘the’ day for practical and financial reasons. Besides, I already know that writing is my passion. I’m happy that my boredom paved the way for what I am capable of – from writing dark plots to mushy song-like poems to something less personal but I’m not talking about this passion. I’m talking about the motivation and passion towards my day job. Let’s face it, I cannot quit yet nor shift to writing. I need money and despite all my rant, I actually enjoy my profession (note: profession is different from actual job). At first I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to write if I were to quit my job so I was a bit hesitant. But while enduring the loss of my drive, I gained confidence that I can and I will write no matter what I do for a living. I am no longer confused. Painfully and gradually, I accepted that this work is not just my cup of tea. It doesn’t give me a sense of fulfillment; it only gives me boredom. So what do I do now?

Of course… I just have to write about what I’m feeling and voila! Instant poem! But seriously, I badly need my fire back. I guess writing about it is the start. Writing until finally accepting the situation. Eventually, I got sick and tired about my rant so it’s time to take action and find a new job. But hold on, what about ‘the’ day? I only have a general plan but it’s not clear-cut but (with fingers crossed) if something comes along, I would not think twice. If I can leave this misery now, that would be priceless, right? Why wait for ‘the’ day?

I am currently in limbo, waiting for a call, hoping for an offer.** The future is uncertain but I choose to believe in destiny. Destiny gives me something to hope for. Destiny assures me that things will always be for the better. Blind faith! If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be. But I need to do something to be a step closer to my destiny and find my fire! I will not find it unless I step out from this miserable yet comfortable state. I hope my next moves would be the right and the only way to it. Well, if things don’t work out, then I’ll just have to endure more and extend this detour, then hope to learn a different perspective. Regardless of what’s going to happen, I’m sure, eventually, I will get there and find my fire, my drive, and my passion back. It’s destiny!

So here’s to the rest of 2016!

Here’s to finding my passion again!

My fire, drive and passion vanished without a trace
I was in denial, I thought it was just a phase
I endured the loss until I cannot take this place
Now, I vow to find you no matter what I’ll face

* I often use the words fire, drive, and passion interchangeably.
** As of posting, I got an offer and accepted a new job. Hopefully this is one way to finding my fire again.

– September 12, 2016

Chasing Fire

Fire_in_the_Eye_Wallpaper

photo credit to richardlionel.wordpress.com

I have been running now I’m beat
I’m frustrated from chasing it

It vanished without any rational
Pffft! It just went on sabbatical

Yet it might be relaxing somewhere
In a far, hidden place called nowhere

Maybe it doesn’t want to be found
But its loss feels like I’m being drowned

Now this seems like a hopeless case
Please lead me, tell me how to face!

I searched everywhere and reached my limit
But I refuse to accept my defeat

So, show up before I lose my vision
Come on! Just end this hibernation!

– July 29, 2016

Into The Pit

kennethuykendall

photo credit to kennethuykendall.com

I’m in a mess, trapped all over again
Fighting this battle not to go insane
But it’s becoming my definition
Who will I be without the confusion?

So I keep on suffering; always lost
Convincing myself this is for a cause
But I don’t see light, I’m falling below
And into the pit, that’s where I will go

I try to be numb from this misery
But a dark force so strong is pulling me
I can’t get up; I succumb to the flow
Into the pit, into the pit… I go…

– June 17, 2016