Drawn

kingofwallpapers

photo credit to kingofwallpapers.com

It’s pulling me into the darkness
It’s dragging me to its nothingness
It’s enveloping me with its wings
An inexplicable force it brings

I tried to struggle, to take control
But its power is strong, it won’t fall
Something magical is taking me on
Repulse no more, I’m being drawn

It’s blackness is showing a new light
It’s delivering me from a plight
I’m enticed by its obscurity
Somehow, it is comforting me

– January 19, 2017

Descent

iconfinder

photo credit to iconfinder.com

And I am gradually falling
From nil to nowhere, I’m just falling…
Let me feel the power of gravity
And slowly pull me to infinity

And I am now losing my grip…
Let go as I sink into the deep
Submit to the vast vacuum of space
And welcome the black hole’s warm embrace

And I am actually liking this…
A descent from sobriety’s abyss
Fall deeper into the galaxy
And accept the will of eternity

– December 1, 2016

Your Smile

Author’s Note: This is an excerpt from my last night’s long and vivid dream.

Today, I woke up from a dream –
Many were trapped in a huge mansion
Running from infected, looking for a way out
Then you were kidnapped.
People ran from one room to another.
People hid while figuring an escape route.
Until I finally found you
In a forest-like room, you were standing
You were full of life,
You were happy and free.
You asked, “How’s life? Any kids yet?”
I said, “None, of course but everything’s fine.’
Then I told you, “Let’s keep moving.
The infected are coming.”
“I’m tired from running, let me stay here.”
Unsure if I would agree but time is passing
I know I can’t force you to so I just said:
“Can I at least embrace you for one last time?”
As I was spreading my arms to hug you tight
You were slowly vanishing –
But the last thing that disappeared
Was the smile stuck in your lips…

Today, I woke up from a dream
Where I saw you happy and free.

It’s almost four years since you left
And I am still missing your presence
Your love and greatness I will never forget
And I will always remember that smile –
Your smile which was stuck in your lips
As I was embracing you last night.
I miss you. I love you, Mommy.

– May 27, 2016

Memories Of You

Author’s Note: Another poem that is intended to be a song but its melody is still missing.

In a ski trip, we first met
You were laughing with friends
Enjoying your hot chocolate
Warming up for your next trail

We were side by side lining up
We chatted, I was mesmerized
We exchanged numbers, it was the start
Our story had just begun

And I cling to this day we met…

Chorus:
The snowflake in your nose
The way you close your eyes
Then you smile at me
These all remain in me
My memories of you

We always went back to that trip
It became our celebration
Our tradition until the end
Full of love and happiness

But then, the cold dawned on us
The death of us had been destined
With no choice, you had to leave
Your parting bore questions and pain

And I can only cling to the day we met…

Repeat Chorus

Bridge:
Why do I have to let you go
Why do I have to move on
I only want to remember
And just cling to that first day
‘Cause those are all I have
My memories of you

Repeat Chorus

– February 26, 2016

Thief

Capture

photo credit to lihnida.deviantart.com

In the middle of the night
Someone knocked on my door
I checked and saw no one
Ignored. I went back to bed
Then, a banging on my door!
A shadow? Yet no one was in sight
I hid, stayed under the cover
I prayed. Should I call the cops?
It then stopped. Bother no more!
Then I opened my eyes and stared
In the dark, I saw a movement
I screamed but no words came out
I froze then felt an eerie chill
It stepped forward, it moved closer
It tried to envelope me
It was soothing. I was baffled.
Should I submit and just give in?

It was a thief in the night
Watching my every move
Betraying all of my thoughts
Wanting to steal my last breath
Am I ready for it?

– March 1, 2016

I Still Cry (5-7-5 Collection)

Author’s Note: These aren’t haiku but these are using the usual number of syllables in a haiku, which is 5-7-5. Anyways, I wrote these a couple of months after my mom passed away.

I.
Thought that you’re not here
Life gets tougher and tougher
Missing you badly

II.
You’re happy out there
No more agony and pain
But here’s different

III.
Moments of sadness
Memories I cannot bear
Tears keep on rolling

IV.
My birthday is near
It’s the first that you’re not here
Missing you badly

V.
It has been four months
I cannot cope, can’t adjust
It still makes me cry

– October 4, 2012

Luha / Tears

Author’s Note: Yesterday was my mom’s third death anniversary and I want to pay tribute by posting this poem that I wrote in Filipino, 7 weeks after she passed away. I wrote the English version last week but I really had a hard time translating and still making it sound like a nice poem; may be because I don’t have the same emotion back then. Anyway, I’m still in the process of trying to write a better version and I’ll post in if I am able to sort it. Oh yeah, about the pic, this is her final resting place, it’s a columnbary.

Filipino and Original Version:

Patuloy ang pagpatak ng mga luha
Nangungulila sa iyong pagkawala
Alam kong masaya ka na sa piling Nya
Ngunit kay hirap pala ngayong wala ka na

Lumipas na ang pitong linggong parang panaginip
Hindi iniinda at pinipilit hindi isaisip
Ngunit heto ako ngayon, nagmumukmok sa isang tabi
Hindi na maiwasan pang magkubli

Sana’y nadarama ko ang iyong yakap na kay higpit
Sana’y naririnig ko ang iyong tinig na kay liit
Sana’y maaari kitang muling mahagkan
Ngunit lahat ng ito’y hindi na muling magagampanan

Ngayon ang buhay ko’y patuloy sa pagtakbo
Ang bawat araw ay ginugugol sa trabaho’t laro
Ngunit pakiramdam ko’y hindi na ako buo
Dahil nagkaroon ng malaking puwang ang aking puso

Dadaloy ang mga oras, buwan, at taon
Mga luha’y unti-unti ring maanod kasabay ng panahon
Ngunit aking pagmamahal ay nakaukit na sa bato
At habang buhay akong mangungulila sa paglisan mo

English Version:

Can’t keep my tears from flowing
Since that day, I’ve been longing
Up there, I know you’re smiling
But it’s hard to go on living

‎Seven weeks! Am I still dreaming?
Pain and aches, I’m not minding
Now here I am, grim and sulking
Can’t escape, no more hiding

‎Your tight embrace, I’m hoping
To hear your voice, I’m wishing
Your sweet kisses, I’m missing
But these are just wishful thinking

‎Now life must keep on going
Go back to working and playing
But I’m not whole, something’s lacking
My heart is wounded and bleeding

Hours will continue running
With time, my tears will be drifting
But my love will be staying
‘Till eternity, I’ll be longing

– the Filipino and original version was written on July 24, 2012 while the English version was written on May 29, 2015