Traveling To A Blurred Destiny

woods-945405_960_7201849778801.jpg

photo credit to pixabay.com

A crossroad? No! I can’t even see a road
It is being in the woods with a blind fold
I’m totally lost, wandering the unknown
Just trusting my senses to lead me to you

And I keep stumbling, falling into the pit
Picking myself up gets harder and harder
But I try to follow the sound of your voice
‎It’s my only guide in this bleak surrounding

As I open my eyes with hope to see clearly
There’s a fog, it’s enveloping the horizon
And all I can do is to pray, to listen
Then continue this journey with only faith…

I’m still stuck somewhere in the woods, in the pit
It’s unlikely I’ll figure my way out soon
But as long as I hear your voice, calling me
I know I’m in the path towards my destiny

– October 2, 2017

Please, Lord!

I did the best I could
Please don’t let me be fooled
I can only hope, pray
To let it be my way

‎Is it a new chapter?
‎A future that’s brighter?
The path to destiny
To end my agony?

But it’s reaching for star
It’s so close yet so far
My patience is tested
Now I am frustrated

So I lay it to You
Please help me to pull through
‎Please tell me how to deal
Please let it be Your will

– October 2, 2017

Distracted By You, Still

photo credit to dhanashreekinikar.blog.com

Writer’s Note: This is part 2 of last week’s post, Distracted By You.

I’m still very distracted by the thought of you
You make me feel restless, I don’t know what to do
I know I have to be patient, stay positive
Wait for the perfect time, continue to believe

Though you gave me a glimpse of hope to carry on
I still don’t know if I should hold on or move on
Tell me more – don’t leave me hanging in the unknown
You left me so confused with the gestures you’ve shown

I’m fighting hard to not be distracted by you
I just want to live free from any thoughts of you
I need more faith for me to trust our destiny
And know things will be fine if we are meant to be

– October 18 2017

 

 

Eventually. Maybe.

I tried to reach for the sky
I dreamt big. I aimed high
But it seems it’s not fated
Despite how long I’ve waited

Often times, I lose my will
Then giving up becomes real
It’s frustrating, it’s tiring
But I won’t stop believing

Hoping someday I’ll get there
In a new world that’s better
Then lead to my destiny
Eventually. Maybe.

– June 6, 2017

Roundabout

roundabout

photo credit to twitter.com

It is a roundabout and I can’t find my exit
It is unsetting, I wonder if I’m losing it
I just drive in circles until my gas is emptied
Or until my mind to eventually see a lead

My path is clearly blocked by this insanity
And vision is blurred towards the road to destiny
It is puzzling and my engine is slowly dying
But I will keep driving even if I’m just circling

THIS is my roundabout and I can’t find THE exit
I’m getting restless, soon, I might be losing it
I still drive in loops hoping my tank is refilled
For I need to stay here until THE way is revealed

– March 14, 2017

Chance

capture

photo credit to mdmilnes.com

Is this the last, my only chance?
Or I will go straight in a trance?
Following norm, I don’t understand
This is totally not what I planned

Refrain 1:
So this is it, a leap of faith
Hoping it will lead me to fate

Chorus 1:
An opportunity awaits
Opening doors, no time to waste
Come on! There’s no need to conform
Bend some rules, let life take its form

Is this the answer to my prayer?
Or just lies that are uncovered?
But this is not what I have asked
Yet I am embracing this task

Repeat Refrain 1 and Chorus 1

So this is where I am headed?
Or is this what I have dreaded?
But whatever, I’ll just proceed
Taking chances – this is my creed

Refrain 2:
So I’m taking a leap of faith
I know this will lead me to fate

Chorus 2:
An opportunity awaits
Embrace it, opening my gates
Let’s take this one and only chance
Let’s fall in love, let’s take a glance

Come on, baby! Let’s take a glance
Yeah, honey! I’m taking my chance
(to fade…)

– February 8, 2017

In Search Of Fire (My 2016 So Far)

genius

photo credit to genius.com

My fire, drive and passion vanished without a trace
I was in denial, I thought it was just a phase
I endured the loss until I cannot take this place
Now, I vow to find you no matter what I’ll face

My 2016 so far can be summed in 3 words – My Fire Disappeared. It didn’t happen in an instant, it was painfully gradual. Looking back, it started sometime the second quarter of last year. If you’re waking up each day and you’re not looking forward to your day then something is clearly wrong. I was already feeling it but my mind was refusing to accept. I thought it was just a phase, the aftermath of change but after a year of battling with my head, I can no longer deny it. I had to embrace that my fire, my drive, and my passion* – they disappeared. I am not happy with my job and I have become what I have dreaded, a zombie worker!

So what now? When you’re not happy with your job, quit, right? Always easier said than done. I was waiting for ‘the’ day for practical and financial reasons. Besides, I already know that writing is my passion. I’m happy that my boredom paved the way for what I am capable of – from writing dark plots to mushy song-like poems to something less personal but I’m not talking about this passion. I’m talking about the motivation and passion towards my day job. Let’s face it, I cannot quit yet nor shift to writing. I need money and despite all my rant, I actually enjoy my profession (note: profession is different from actual job). At first I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to write if I were to quit my job so I was a bit hesitant. But while enduring the loss of my drive, I gained confidence that I can and I will write no matter what I do for a living. I am no longer confused. Painfully and gradually, I accepted that this work is not just my cup of tea. It doesn’t give me a sense of fulfillment; it only gives me boredom. So what do I do now?

Of course… I just have to write about what I’m feeling and voila! Instant poem! But seriously, I badly need my fire back. I guess writing about it is the start. Writing until finally accepting the situation. Eventually, I got sick and tired about my rant so it’s time to take action and find a new job. But hold on, what about ‘the’ day? I only have a general plan but it’s not clear-cut but (with fingers crossed) if something comes along, I would not think twice. If I can leave this misery now, that would be priceless, right? Why wait for ‘the’ day?

I am currently in limbo, waiting for a call, hoping for an offer.** The future is uncertain but I choose to believe in destiny. Destiny gives me something to hope for. Destiny assures me that things will always be for the better. Blind faith! If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be. But I need to do something to be a step closer to my destiny and find my fire! I will not find it unless I step out from this miserable yet comfortable state. I hope my next moves would be the right and the only way to it. Well, if things don’t work out, then I’ll just have to endure more and extend this detour, then hope to learn a different perspective. Regardless of what’s going to happen, I’m sure, eventually, I will get there and find my fire, my drive, and my passion back. It’s destiny!

So here’s to the rest of 2016!

Here’s to finding my passion again!

My fire, drive and passion vanished without a trace
I was in denial, I thought it was just a phase
I endured the loss until I cannot take this place
Now, I vow to find you no matter what I’ll face

* I often use the words fire, drive, and passion interchangeably.
** As of posting, I got an offer and accepted a new job. Hopefully this is one way to finding my fire again.

– September 12, 2016