Maybe Tomorrow

reaching out

photo credit to kasadawai. blogspot.com

I’ve been living in the shadow of regret
Oftentimes I drift as I try to forget
Fantasizing about what could have been
Wondering about things I might have seen

Off to Neverland where stress does not exist
Where I accomplish all in my bucket list
Then I taste the sweetness of my liberty
And breathe the air of bliss and serenity

Well, wake up now, it’s not my reality
My imagined life is not my certainty
But maybe next day I’ll go back to my dream
Hoping someday I will be living the dream

– June 16, 2020

What If

sleeping baby

What if you were just a pigment of my dream?
What if the life I’ve known with you was unreal?
Slowly, my world, my life will start to dim
My heart will be broken, it will never heal

For now I’ve learned to enjoy this life with you
I have a new purpose and that’s to see you grow
So what if I was just imagining you?
Then please hold me close and don’t ever let go

Or take me back to my dream where you were there
Then I will hug you, lock you in my embrace
Then don’t wake me up, I’ll stay until forever
So I can be with you in this happy place

– January 29, 2018

Fly High / Swim Hard

fly high swim hard

photo credit to mattbarberinteractive.co.uk (first pic) and ironstruck.com (second pic)

When all is lost and there’s nothing to gain
Look for a rainbow hiding behind the clouds
Then open your wings, take a leap and be free
Then fly… fly high to be closer to the dream

It is about choice though it’s not as plain
But remove all doubts, be brave and be proud
Then open your eyes to finally see
Then fly… fly high until you reach the dream

When it’s not what you planned and life’s a pain
Find the shore where there’s a welcoming crowd
Then take a deep breath, dive into the sea
Then swim… swim hard towards the flow of stream

Sometimes it’s fine to deviate from the train
Listen to your heart that’s screaming so loud
Then follow the lead, it’s not the time to flee
Then swim… swim hard until you reach the dream

– February 1, 2017

If I May / Kung Pwede Lang

IMG00351-20130102-1811

Author’s Note: The English poem is a translation of the poem I wrote in my native tongue, Filipino.

If I may, if only I can…
I will put an end to this chapter
Let my spirit and mind wander
To a place where there’s serenity

I dream to no longer be lame
So I could write with liberty
Then create stories and poetry
That would bring inspiration and glee

I want to have a new beginning
And leave behind all my worries
But I know it’s not yet meant to be
If I may, if only I can…

Kung pwede lang, kung kaya ko lang sana…
Tutuldukan ko na itong kabanata
Nang makapaglakbay ang utak at diwa
Patungo kung saan ay mapayapa

Pangarap kong hindi na maging lampa
Nang makapagsulat na ko ng malaya
At bumuo ng mga kwento at mga tula
Na magbibigay inspirasyon at saya

Nais ko na ng panibagong simula
Iwanan na itong mga pangamba
Ngunit alam kong hindi pa nakatakda
Kung pwede lang, kung kaya ko lang sana…

– January 21, 2017

Don’t You Wish

pinterest

photo credit to pinterest.com

Don’t you wish to lie underneath the stars
To look for a falling star and wish for a different reality
Then dream about your dreams coming true

Don’t you wish to run in a field of greens
With someone you love and be in the wind
Then feel the breeze and embrace the sun

Don’t you wish to sprint like there’s no tomorrow
To finish this endless race and to start a new one
Then now walk through this journey enjoying each step

Don’t you wish to climb the highest mountain
With someone dear and be one with the clouds
Then see the world from the top, a change of view

Don’t you wish to soar like a kite or a balloon
To just float in the air, in limbo yet carefree
Then fly, fly… fly high until you reach the sky

Don’t you just wish to lie underneath the stars?

If I could only just wish…

– January 17, 2017

Your Smile

Author’s Note: This is an excerpt from my last night’s long and vivid dream.

Today, I woke up from a dream –
Many were trapped in a huge mansion
Running from infected, looking for a way out
Then you were kidnapped.
People ran from one room to another.
People hid while figuring an escape route.
Until I finally found you
In a forest-like room, you were standing
You were full of life,
You were happy and free.
You asked, “How’s life? Any kids yet?”
I said, “None, of course but everything’s fine.’
Then I told you, “Let’s keep moving.
The infected are coming.”
“I’m tired from running, let me stay here.”
Unsure if I would agree but time is passing
I know I can’t force you to so I just said:
“Can I at least embrace you for one last time?”
As I was spreading my arms to hug you tight
You were slowly vanishing –
But the last thing that disappeared
Was the smile stuck in your lips…

Today, I woke up from a dream
Where I saw you happy and free.

It’s almost four years since you left
And I am still missing your presence
Your love and greatness I will never forget
And I will always remember that smile –
Your smile which was stuck in your lips
As I was embracing you last night.
I miss you. I love you, Mommy.

– May 27, 2016

Set Me Free

Capture

photo credit to c1.staticflickr.com

Author’s Note: I wrote this as if it was a song. Unfortunately, I’m not musically inclined so I couldn’t put a music into it. The chorus has been ringing in my head since the morning I woke up yesterday and I finally managed to sit down and write the entire thing. And yes, I have a vague melody to it but it’s no good. Anyways, despite the lack of music, I hope you’ll still enjoy this.

The dusk is dawning on me
Waiting for you to come near me
Then hear your heart beat next to mine
Like lovers lost in this foggy site

Watching the shadows pass me by
You stand out underneath the moonlight
I smile to myself then take courage
I approach you and feel the rave

And I… I feel like

Running naked through the night
Spread my wings then fly to the sky
I’m finally free, at last!
Yes, I’m finally free tonight!

Marking the end of my nightmare
Enjoying the warmth in the air
It’s the beginning of the dream
You pull me up from this dim

And I… I feel like

Running naked through the night
Spread my wings then fly to the sky
I’m finally free, at last!
Yes, I’m finally free tonight!

With you.. you set me free at last!

– December 7, 2015

Once In A Blue Moon

photo credit to encorenow.wordpress.com

photo credit to encorenow.wordpress.com

Author’s Note: I’m not a mushy type of person but of course just like the title of this poem, once in a blue moon, I write love poems. This was written in 2011 after I woke up from a dream about my first love.

Once in a blue moon I dream of you
And I can’t help but think of my past that made me blue
Once in a blue moon I think of the decades gone by
Remembering the love lost and how it made me cry

Back then, I had lots of questions
Back then, you were my major distraction
“Why do I love you?”, I often asked
Finding the answers seemed to be the hardest task

Now, I am very much happy and fulfilled
Now, all the blanks in the past are filled
Now I know why we were not meant to be
It is with him that I feel this love and glee

Once in a blue moon I see you in my dream
And my fear of losing him is all confirmed
Once in a blue moon I think of you
And it made me feel grateful that I’m not with you

– December 12, 2011

Dream (Cold Dark Night)

photo obtained from: https://www.flickr.com/photos/107745485@N05/10814232105 (posted by userid nicole6hall in flickr.com

photo obtained from: https://www.flickr.com/photos/107745485@N05/10814232105 (posted by userid nicole6hall in flickr.com

Authors’ Notes:
1. I originally wrote this ages ago – during my teen years – for my crush. 😉 Teenage crush, what a nostalgic feeling!
2. I’ve been wanting to rewrite/edit my past writings so here’s what I’ve (re)written on my way to work this morning. The original is also posted here. I still want to keep the original words/phrases as much as possible to stay true to my emotions and state at the time of writing. I also want to change the title to “Cold Dark Night”, so I just put it in ().

Every time I pause and close my eyes
It’s you I see even in the dark
You’re standing there, beneath the moonlight
You’re waiting for something, may be someone
I could almost feel your heart’s beating fast
Oh, did you just feel that cool breeze blow by?
For at last I see you smiling tonight

Even if this night is cold and dark
You bring warmth and light to the spot
Then, I hear your voice, soft gentle whispers –
Whispers that are loud and clear to my heart
And now we’re getting closer and closer
I could almost touch you but suddenly you’re gone
Then it just hit me! These are not real
All these are only in my sleep…

Original:

Every time I pause and close my eyes
I always see you even in the dark
You’re standing there, waiting for someone to come
I see you underneath the moonlight,
I could almost feel your heart’s beating so fast
You could almost feel the cool breeze blowing by
At last, I see you smiling in the dark

Even if it is cold and dark,
You still brighten up the spot.
There, I hear your whispers,
Loud and clear to my heart
It seems like we are getting even closer,
But you go away and leave me behind
Cause I know, these things aren’t real,
These things are only in my sleep…

– originally written on September 21, 1998

But…

photo obtained from bestmusicbook.com

photo obtained from bestmusicbook.com

Author’s Note: This is actually related to the poem I wrote last week – “I Want To Be” that’s why I used the same picture. Scrambling on my thoughts again…

Going to work every day gets harder and harder. The first thing that comes to mind as soon as I sit in my workstation is – “is it 4:30PM yet?”. After that, I would think about what I would do for the day so I wouldn’t notice the time and all I can think about is how I want to write!

I receive affirmations that I’m doing well at work – that I can definitely lead a team and be “the man”. Most of the time, I don’t believe it and I keep telling my colleagues and friends that I never see myself as one of the bosses. It’s just not in me but I can’t help but wonder about this opportunity – an inevitable opportunity that will present itself in the future – I could really be that person but…

I am no longer as inspired. I am no longer as driven. I am no longer as motivated. Perhaps all frustrations from the past years plus death of relatives have finally taken a toll on how I perceive work. Life is short so why spend it on something that I am not passionate about? I am not frustrated now. I am contented but…

I enjoy my job. I do. I really do but do I love it? Nah! Love is such a strong word. What I love is writing. I’m in love with it and if only I could quit my job and dedicate my entire day to writing I would but…

So why not dedicate my evenings then? I wish I could but I also need to do other stuff in the evenings and weekends like household chores and errands, working out (trying to) and PLAYING video games!!! Yes, I love playing and oddly, I love cleaning too – two more things that I love to do! I already cut my playtime to have an active lifestyle so it’s difficult to squeeze writing at night. Besides, I don’t have enough energy left after spending my entire day in the office. Then again, I remember what my friend used to say all the time back when we were high school students – “if you want it, there are lots of ways; if you don’t, there are lots of excuses*” but…

I feel that I am only half-committed to my full-time job and my writing hobby right now. Every day I see colleagues and friends who are so dedicated at work. How career-oriented they are. How they want to climb the corporate ladder and pursue more studies related to the job. So keen about professional development and continuing education. Oh how I envy them! At times, I come across articles about amateur writers who became best-seller authors. How late bloomers decided to quit work and dedicated themselves to writing despite financial woes. How artists struggle to make end meets but still choose to be artists. So determined in publishing something or creating a masterpiece. Oh how I envy them! Why did I lose that fire? Where did it go? Give me a match and I’ll light it on whatever remaining smoke in me! I want to be fully committed again, it doesn’t matter if it’s to my full-time job or to writing but…

I’m in limbo. I’m just floating in the air, going with the flow – not entirely sure where I’m headed. I don’t even know how to bring back that fire in me. I think this is just a phase while I’m trying to explore my writing skills and my new work but…

I never dream of climbing the corporate ladder nor consider a career shift. Besides, I don’t think I will ever ride a rocket ship and go to the galaxy where the writing planet exists because I need money to live. It’s the practical choice! If I don’t succeed living in that alien world, who knows what might happen to me!?! Don’t get me wrong, I’m very used to failing – failure has been my teacher and it made me realize what true passion is but a failure from something I’m in love with… uhmmm…

No guts, no glory, eh?

“Be a driver, a learner
I want to be a dreamer
Make a diff’rence, be better
I want to be a writer”

* This was said in Filipino, I’m pretty sure a lot of Filipinos know this so this is not originally-written/quoted by my friend: “Kung gusto mo, maraming paraan; kung ayaw mo, maraming dahilan”

– written on June 24, 2015