My Last Verse (years after – “and so i thought”)

Author’s Note (more like a disclaimer): I don’t have any suicidal thoughts or anything but during my teen years, somehow I thought I was going to die young so I wrote these verses way back almost 15 years ago. And… I also used to write long stanzas without really editing my thoughts and writing so this is a long poem.

Black clouds surround me
As I see the darkness of the night
The stars lose their lights
And the moon is covered by clouds

As I sit here all alone
I remember everything in my life
Searching for nothing or anything
Except for death that will come

My past walks on by –
I realize the mistakes I had
The present is now here –
But I still can’t bear this emptiness I feel

And so for now, sorry
To those I had hurt and loved
I don’t know what this is all about
But all I ask is forgiveness and love

They may not know and see
That my love for them is so real
So before this life would end,
I say I love them all with all my heart

I thank them for the love,
For all the joys and sorrows I had,
I thank you so much but still –
But still, I need and want to say goodbye…

Though, loneliness I feel
I’m still happy for this eternal gift
And thank Him for all the things
That He had given me for all those wonderful years

This may be my last verse
And so I share this all to you
And please feel the love and care I want to share
Now, allow me to sleep and rest…

Scent of candles is in the air…
Lovely flowers are there to share…
A beautifully-blue bed is waiting there…
And it’s okay if I can’t feel love and care…

My soul will soon be free
There are no regrets in me
So let me fly in the sky
And now take everything away from me…

And now I close my eyes
I see a wonderful sun that shines,
A rainbow that is full of life,
And now I can feel a love that awaits for me…

I may not see tomorrow…
I may not live to see the blue skies again…
I know I’ll never go too far…
And I’ll be too young, yet contented and peaceful to die…

– written on July 5, 2000