Defeated

I fell and I stumbled
I was down, I was troubled
I can’t pick myself up
There was no way to get up
No strength to even try
And all I could do was cry
From despair, from anger
For not having the power
To control my dumb mind
Then command the brain to find
The love and the passion
To seek a motivation
But I only faltered
To defeat, I surrendered

– July 10, 2019

Struggle

Writer’s Note: This was written more than 15 years ago. I cannot recall now what triggered this but this was way back when I was still un the university.

Faced by a lot of failures
Losing confidence, losing grip
Feeling worthless, feeling dumb
Can’t prove something, can’t say anything
Just like any other persom
Can never be an extraordinary one
Nothing’s good inside
Been crying, been bursting
Helpless, hopeless, and meaningless
Depression is here in vain
Empty head, nothing’s left
Can’t beat them, can’t have an edge
Just like any other person
Can never be an extraordinary one
Sitting in the dark
Been pretending, in denial
Can’t face reality, can’t see the fact
Dreaming, aiming
Reality bytes – it’s all a lie
Still fighting, still trying
Still wanting, holding on
Making a difference, but all is null

– August 8, 2003

Relive The Past?

 

Do you want to relive the past?
The pain, the sorrow?
Go back to the memory
When all you heard was the sound –
The sound of your cries
Coming from your heart
Screaming for guidance, for help
When you resisted, struggled
Yet you were still defeated

Do you want to relive this past?
The confusion, the frustrations?
The time you hit rock bottom
But then an epiphany emerged
Which led to true passion
Where you found purpose, yourself
Then you picked up the broken pieces
Mended your wounded heart
Then approached life with new perspective

Do I want to relive my past?
To be taken back in time
And be reminded about trials –
The failures turning into triumphs
The challenges making living worthwhile
So as to harden my mind, my heart
To believe again in destiny
To again hope for darkness and light
That they will converge becoming as one…

Should I relive my past?…

– September 28, 2017

Chess

articolo29-it

photo credit to articolo29.it

Author’s Note: I have two versions of this writing – the other one was already posted here.

Minutes are passing
It’s your turn, what now?
Show me so I would know
Which pawn should I use
Will I take the bait?
Or will it be a check?
Now it’s a check
Protect the king
Hide behind the rook
It’s the queen’s move
But a knight’s mistake
Bishop’s avenging
But there’s nowhere to go
Is it checkmate? The end?
I failed and lost
I struggled in this battle
This battle of waiting

– September 20, 2016

Almost. Not Quite.

photo credit to techzulu.com

I woke up with a mission for victory
In my head, this was my destiny
The crowd’s joyful faces were riveting
Their loud cheers marked the beginning

My fight for the crown had finally started
3, 2, 1… Stop feeling disconcerted
This was it, I need to hold on tight
I must survive though it didn’t feel right

I fought each battle, did everything I could
I hoped for championship but I was fooled
It was my fault to hope in hindsight
It is always just almost but not quite

– May 31, 2017