My Hell

welcome to hell

photo credit to 123rf.com

It’s not the smell of the doughnut nor the freshly brewed coffee
It’s not the smile from my co-workers pretending to be happy
But it’s the “Welcome to Hell”, the invisible sign I see
It’s sad, pathetic but it’s the only thing that’s greeting me

Everytime I go to work I have a churn in my belly
I don’t know why, it must be a signal that this is not for me
And I am trapped, frustrated and there’s no way to break free
Then I forget who I am, neglecting my true destiny

Sometimes I consider quitting but it’s just too risky
I have no guts, no balls, that’s why I can’t find any glory
So I just buried myself in this hell of a monotony
And continue living this hell where I can never be me

– May 10, 2018

Relive The Past?

 

Do you want to relive the past?
The pain, the sorrow?
Go back to the memory
When all you heard was the sound –
The sound of your cries
Coming from your heart
Screaming for guidance, for help
When you resisted, struggled
Yet you were still defeated

Do you want to relive this past?
The confusion, the frustrations?
The time you hit rock bottom
But then an epiphany emerged
Which led to true passion
Where you found purpose, yourself
Then you picked up the broken pieces
Mended your wounded heart
Then approached life with new perspective

Do I want to relive my past?
To be taken back in time
And be reminded about trials –
The failures turning into triumphs
The challenges making living worthwhile
So as to harden my mind, my heart
To believe again in destiny
To again hope for darkness and light
That they will converge becoming as one…

Should I relive my past?…

– September 28, 2017

WTF?

WTF-logo

photo credit to wtfdididijustsee.co.uk

Author’s Note: Sorry for the curse word in this writing. I’m just frustrated at work. The last stanza where it says “my world” — it’s actually pertaining to my work life/career/day job but the word “world” just sounds better.

I keep on asking these days – “what the f*ck?”
So many times I’m tempted to go back
But I’m unsure, something’s holding me back
Though I can’t take this; I’m about to crack

Gone are my drive, my fire and my passion
I have no goal and no clear direction
Not again! I’m drowning in confusion!
What the f*ck? I allowed this vexation!?!

So here I am, cursing and complaining
While I witness my world slowly crumbling
Instead of ‘change’, look for a beginning
I say: “What the f*ck? Cheers! to my ending!”

– June 1, 2016

I Want Out

Author’s Note: I couldn’t find a suitable picture for this post. I wrote this last year when I was already burnt out and was about to quit my job.

‎I can’t wait to leave this nightmare
I want to rebel! I don’t care
I cannot wait any longer
When will this finally be over?

Hey, I didn’t sign up for this
I am not expecting this
Looks like I overstayed
Now things aren’t going my way

This is an endless frustration
Please! Control this explosion!
That light – I no longer see
I want out, this isn’t for me

– October 22, 2014

Too _____ To Think

photo credit to emberleysos.com

photo credit to emberleysos.com

Author’s Note: So this was me almost about a year ago. I managed to overcome this and I no longer feel this way now. But sometimes, I can’t help but look back and I always need a reminder (like this) to reaffirm my choices.

Too frustrated to think
Won’t go away in a blink
Badly want to leave and quit
But hold on, just wait for it

Too uninspired to think
Maybe I should have a drink
Wonder where this is headed
Another day that I dreaded

Too miserable to think
My light is beginning to sink
Will this soon be over?
I will just escape whenever

Too mad and bitter to think
Perhaps I need a shrink
This is going nowhere
Carry on! Yeah! Whatever!

– October 14, 2014