Living In Shadow

lurk in shadows

photo credit to empowertexans.com

I have been living in the shadow of my pen
I want to be out but I just do not know when
I guess I am afraid, I don’t want to let go
I’m holding on to something I don’t even know

My fear is holding me back, I am insecure
I want to explore the what-ifs but I’m unsure
Maybe I will just live in the world of regret
Wait for the time that I’ll be able to forget

Maybe here, I’ll find freedom and serenity
Maybe this place has always been my destiny
Stop wondering what kind of life would be then
Just accept living in the shadow of my pen

– January 7, 2019

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The Story Of 2018

Writer’s Note: I’ve been writing about my year since 2013 but I’m not sure when I would be able to write a full narrative about my 2018. For now, here’s a short poem summarizing it.

Welcomed the birth of our baby
Looked forward to this journey
Felt a resurgence of passion
Found a new inspiration
This is my 2018 (twenty eighteen)
Bring it on, 2019 (twenty nineteen)

To explore the world with you
To write more about Him and you
To walk the path to destiny
To continue to be free
Here’s to more love, 2019
And thank you, 2018

– January 2, 2019

For Your First Christmas

It’s your first Christmas and I want you to see
Not just the carols you hear and gifts you receive
But the meaning of Jesus’s birth and its beauty
Then share the love and joy to the world we live

It’s your first Christmas and I want you to enjoy
Not just the food and all the festivities
But also the words from God ‎and shout them with joy
‎Then learn the real reasons for these activities

It’s your first Christmas though you won’t remember
I’ll remind you it’s beyond the party and play
Let love live with you not just now but forever
May you experience Jesus in your everyday

– December 17, 2018

I Never Expected / Hindi Ko Inakala

Writer’s Note: This was originally written in my native tongue, Filipino. The english version is the translation.

You take me to a paradise each time you smile
Oh how you amaze me in every move you make
O dear, what kind of mystery is surrounding you?
I never expected I would enjoy having you

I want you to be here, to be always with me
I would do anything just to see you with glee
I promise to take care of you until the end
I never expected you’d be hope and happiness

My life has changed ever since we have first me
I now have a new purpose, a new perspective
You have set me free from this imprisonment
I never expected I could ever love this way

– October 15, 2018

Filipino (Original) Version:

Bawat ngiti mo’y nadadala ako sa paraiso
Bawat galaw ako’y talagang nabibighani mo
O giliw, ano bang misteryong nababalot sayo
Hindi ko inakalang matutuwa ako sayo

Nais ko ay laging nandito ka at kapiling ka
Gagawin ko ang lahat basta’t ikaw ay mapasaya
Pangako kong hanggang wakas ay aalagaan ka
Hindi ko inakalang ikaw ang pag-asa’t ligaya

Buhay ay nag-iba sa una pa lang nating tagpo
Ang aking pakay at pananaw ay iyo ring binago
‎Pinalaya mo ako sa aking pagkakabilanggo
Hindi ko inakalang kayang magmahal ng ganito

– October 12, 2018

32 Hours

photo credit to pmstudycircle.com

Writer’s Note: I haven’t written much. I really feel that I’m regressing or maybe just busy taking care of a newborn. Anyway, this was written long time ago but haven’t posted it yet.

I hate this feeling! This agony… THIS AGONY OF WAITING!

I wonder where will I be tomorrow?… This sounds familiar! I already said this last year. But it seems that this question has no answers.

It’s this time of the year again when “Go the Distance” is my song! But will I really get there if I make it through? I really do not know but what I do know is I badly want to pass this exam.

It seems that I am not making any sense. Anyhow…

Nervous, anxious, but anticipating
Confused, frightened yet hoping

Keeping myself busy
But I don’t want to feel too easy

I can’t even relax
Just wanting the time to lapse

32 hours still…
Will keep praying until…

Longest hours of my life again
After this what would I gain?

Stressed, pressured but anticipating
Clueless, unsure yet hoping

What to do? What to do? What to do? It’s seems that I’m having a hard time concentrating?

I don’t want to experience failure for the nth time. I don’t have a plan B nor any other plans for this, just plan A… so please, please, please! Allow me to shout “I’M FINALLY FREE!”

– August 17, 2009

Regress

kingofwallpapers

photo credit to kingofwallpapers.com

I used to wake up with a dream
Of words engulfing my passion
Where I find the inspiration
To move on, explore and be free

I used to hear a melody
Of songs I wanted to be sung
Then use my imagination
To write the lyrics from my heart

But things are changing, I have changed
Somehow I find myself regressing
‎Doubts and fears are resurfacing
And slowly… slowly… I’ll be back…

To the darkness… to nothingness…

– November 5, 2018

The Leaf

I die in the cold
Where I hibernate
In the ground
Covered in snow
In winter
Only to be ressurected
Where I blossom
With the flowers
Then see the blue sky
In spring
I dance
Under the sun‎
I change into green
Enjoy the warmth
In summer
Until I flow
With the breeze
I change into red
Hang by a thread
In autumn
Until I am the last leaf left
But eventually
Certainly
I will fall
Then die again in the cold…

– November 14, 2018