First Working Day Struggle

jan 4 2016

Author’s Note: Happy 2016! I hope 2016 will be great and awesome for all of us! I was planning to start my year by posting a wrap-up of my 2015, a very personal blog, but I haven’t finished it yet. I ended up writing a poem about my struggle today, to be back at work after the holidays. Here goes…

Brrr… It is minus fifteen today
I still want to slumber and snooze
But it’s the first working day
Must start my year right or I’ll lose

Coming from a week vacation
It’s hard to tell my brain to work
I’m rusty, in hibernation
I’m so lazy, I’m such a dork

Need to psych myself to be fine
Must take the high road; see the light
It’s back to work, stop all the whine
Back to reality, go win this fight!

– January 4, 2016

Monday Blues Again

photo credit to vsatbay.com

photo credit to vsatbay.com

Author’s Note: I wrote this last week but waited ’til Monday to post it. “Case of the Mondays” came from the film Office Space by Mike Judge, starring Ron Livingston and Jennifer Aniston. Well, last week, I’m having Monday blues again and then I remembered that film and borrowed that epic line! Actually…

I am tired of listening to my whines
I am tired from writing about my cries
I tried hard to conquer Monday blues
Don’t know how to start, effort is no use

I keep telling myself it’s just a phase
I am convincing myself it will pass
I tried so hard to escape from my woes
Yet here I am, writing about my rant

So here it goes…

Monday blues, it’s striking again
It’s dull and I am uninspired
If only I can pull the hours
Fast forward my week to Friday

Zoning out, my sanity’s gone
I am restless and exhausted
Yet the week has barely started
Well, it’s the case of the Mondays!

Blame the dark and gloomy weather
Blame the October fall morning
Blame my dreary and tiresome job
But all blame is actually mine!

– October 27, 2015

Monday Blues

photo credit to bradschmidt.net

photo credit to bradschmidt.net

Author’s Note: Garfield hates Mondays and this picture is the perfect fit for “Monday Blues”. I wrote this yesterday after a weekend that (always) feels so short.

Filipino Version:
Bitin na naman ang Sabado at Linggo
At kulang na kulang pa ang pahinga ko
Gusto ko ay palaging mamaluktot
Kasama ng aking unan at kumot
Kung maaari ay magpakabatugan
Humiga sa kama ng walang alisan
Hayaang buong araw akong matulog
At bawal ang kahit ano mang bulabog
Ngunit Lunes na naman pala ngayon
Dapat kumayod; kailangan bumangon
Kahit ako ay sobra pang inaantok
Kaladkarin na ang sarili papasok

English Version:
My weekends are always not enough
I need an extra day to recharge
I want a snooze, followed by a slumber
Be with my pillow and comforter
If I may, just let me hibernate
Never leave and stay lying on my bed
Allow me to nap and sleep all day
Disturbance is stricly prohibited
But today is actually a Monday
I must work; now, I need to get up
Though I’m sleepy and not in the mood
I have to drag myself and force my groove

– October 19, 2015

Boring Day

photo obtained from www.weirdnutdaily.com

photo obtained from http://www.weirdnutdaily.com

“What to do in a boring day with a boring teacher in a boring class teaching a boring subject in a boring classroom?” – My high school friends and I should have patented this statement! Here’s the back story: Our English teacher accidentally and unintentionally lost our informal theme writing and she asked us to do another one. Of course, being teenagers as we were, we complained A LOT! As a compromise she just told us to write whatever topic we want as long as we write and submit something to her by the end of the class. So, together with 3 others, we came up with the subject (and I’m pretty sure you guess this right) – “Boring Day”.

Almost two decades later and I can still vividly remember this first statement that we put in our informal theme. I can’t believe that I am actually asking the same question these days. Of course, I have to rephrase its parts since I am no longer a student but the main message is the same – What to do in a boring day?

Okay, hold on… I already wrote 5 poems in a span of 7 days last August about my boredom at work. The titles are actually funny so allow me to share: (1) Batugan (this is a Filipino term, which means slacker), (2) Boredom (so obvious!), (3) Struggling with Boredom, (4) And My Boredom Continues…, and (5) Psyching Myself From Boredom. Is it still not obvious enough that I was so bored? One might think that I was in the exact position as last year but it’s actually very different. Last year, I was employed by a different company and at that time the work progress was slower than a snail. I was stuck in a task that wasn’t even part of my job description and responsibilities. Also taking into account my frustrations, all of it became monotonous resulting to boredom. A negative boredom, if there is even such a thing.

Once again, I’m facing a battle against boredom – what should I do to win this? Write a poem? Nah! I feel like I already used most of my boredom-related vocabularies when I wrote those poems. So instead of a poem, here I am scrambling with my thoughts. Actually, I think this is a positive boredom (again, if there is even such a thing). The good thing about it is I don’t feel frustrated. I’m not upset too, I just don’t have anything to do! That’s the problem if one doesn’t have daily reports to produce, there’s so much down time. Of course I want to be productive so I try to figure out improvement on my processes but more often than not, I end up slacking and losing focus on not-really-urgent and not-really-required tasks.

But, I don’t know… I guess I just miss the adrenaline rush from my very stressful previous work. Oddly, I miss complaining about it. I miss the days when I have to catch up and respond to  tons of emails and attend meetings and conference calls in almost the entire day plus putting out fire here and there. So see? This is indeed a positive boredom. I’m not that stressed, I don’t spend too much time at work and I am now able to compartmentalize, i.e. not worry about work when I’m at home. I am also now sleeping soundly and without dreaming about (or staying awake all night thinking about) models and systems. So what really is my problem? Nothing really, I’m enjoying my new work-life but I’m just afraid that my brain will start to rust.

Anyway, time flies really fast and before I knew it, it’s the busy season again. And when it rains, it pours. Besides, be careful on what you wish for.

And… as long as I still have my creative juice to write then I will always be in a better place. All I have to do is just enjoy this positive boredom! Hoooray!!! 😀

– June 9, 2015

On Being Lazy

photo obtained from splatter.com

photo obtained from splatter.com

Author’s Note: This was written more than 3 years ago but just posting it now in my blog. Enjoy 🙂

Boxer, a legendary Starcraft progamer, once said “My laziness is my most fearful enemy. Defeat is the acceptance of my own laziness.”

May be that’s why I always feel defeated…

Yesterday was a start of another “lazy” week. I went to work, finished my draft report, went home and suddenly while browsing through my facebook account, I came across this test – “Which of the 7 Deadly Sins Are You?”. I took the quiz, and taddah!!! Obviously, I’m a SLOTH!!! I could never contest and just laughed out loud with the results!

It seems that it has been years since I started to feel sooo lazy, but in fact, it has just been a month. I totally hate this feeling, I want to do something productive, make most of my time, and avoid sleeping.

I really do not know how I was able to accomplish my work and finished two volumes of my studies when in fact I’m feeling lazy and getting even lazier each day. The facts are I really enjoy my work and I really want to pass this exam and gain my title and finally have my free time but I feel demotivated somehow.

Ever since my mother suffered a heart attack last month, I felt this laziness… I know it’s not even related, it’s not even a cause-and-effect but may be just may be subconsciously, I realize that life is too short so why spend it on something/s that isn’t or aren’t your true happiness. Though I’ve said that I enjoy doing those things, here’s another fact – THOSE AREN’T MY PASSION AND MY HAPPINESS!

Here I go again… Whenever I hate myself for being lazy, every little frustration that I have comes flashing before my eyes – “if only I’m not living in a third world country”, “if only being a history and literature geek could give me more money”, “if only…”. Who’s to blame anyway?

So I chose this life, no one and not even a single soul pushed me to do this so I have no right to feel this way. Even if I were to take a chance to change my life, to have a career shift, I know I wouldn’t simply because I don’t want to and I wouldn’t want to be out of my comfort zone nor to start anew – I would definitely regret that if I do.

Going back to the quiz I took – after taking it, surprisingly, I was able to focus on my studies and finish a reading before I went to bed last night. And as I write this, I feel happy since I’ve wanted to write this since last week but I feel so lazy to sit down and write.

I just had an epiphany with that quiz – sometimes I just need someone or something to tell frankly to my face who I am and that when I will realize that I don’t want to be this person. It’s not just accepting what I have become but also overcoming it.

I don’t have to psych myself and search for reasons why I feel demotivated or lazy. Passion or not, as long I still enjoy those, all I have to do is “suit up” – I mean get up and do those things and recognize that the outcome of those would be truly rewarding.

I definitely feel like a victor after finishing one of my readings, being able to watch some of my favorite stuffs and had a good night sleep.

I hope that I could finally overcome this laziness… hoping to be more productive tonight and the next day and night and the next…

It’s quite ironic that I started my first writing for the year 2009 on thoughts of being lazy. I hope I started it right…

– written on March 17, 2009