Struggle

Writer’s Note: This was written more than 15 years ago. I cannot recall now what triggered this but this was way back when I was still un the university.

Faced by a lot of failures
Losing confidence, losing grip
Feeling worthless, feeling dumb
Can’t prove something, can’t say anything
Just like any other persom
Can never be an extraordinary one
Nothing’s good inside
Been crying, been bursting
Helpless, hopeless, and meaningless
Depression is here in vain
Empty head, nothing’s left
Can’t beat them, can’t have an edge
Just like any other person
Can never be an extraordinary one
Sitting in the dark
Been pretending, in denial
Can’t face reality, can’t see the fact
Dreaming, aiming
Reality bytes – it’s all a lie
Still fighting, still trying
Still wanting, holding on
Making a difference, but all is null

– August 8, 2003

Melancholy

kathleenmoulton-com

photo credit to kathleenmoulton.com

It’s sucking every inch of my strength
It’s draining every bit of my soul
I am very weak, I am weakened
I’m about to surrender my control

It is slowly eating me alive
Burying me deeper to a hole
Where I can never ever emerge
Where I will never again be whole

And I don’t have a way to resist
Let it suck me, drain me, take my all
Let it bring me to where I belong…
This melancholy has become my all

– March 21, 2018

The Devil’s Voice

devil's mirror

photo credit to youtube.com (this is probably a screenshot of a demo song)

I hear the devil’s voice
Whispering closely to my ear
Telling me things
That something bad will happen
I’m hopeless, helpless
And all I can do is cry

I hear the devil’s voice
Telling me truths about life
Uncovering all secrets
Showing me the path, the way
I’m amused, amazed
And all I can do is to listen

I hear the devil’s voice
Calling my name
Commanding me to end it all
“It will set you free, find peace,”‎
I struggle, it’s hard to resist
‎Oh God, freedom is so tempting!

I hear the devil’s voice
It’s screaming, shouting at me
Then a light so bright appears
Shattering everything – all is lie
But I can hardly see, it’s a blur
As I break down, I’m on my knees

Oh God, help me please…

– February 27, 2018

Lost

kathleenmoulton-com

photo credit to kathleenmoulton.com

It’s a world that I thought is better
Hoping it’s where I’ll discover
Myself, my dream, and my mission
Yet somehow I lose my passion

Then to darkness I surrender
Now I have a lot to ponder

Since I… I’m lost in this journey
I’m confused, I’m losing my will
And I… I am going crazy
Please show me the way to what’s real

It is the path of destruction
And all I have are vague questions
This madness, how long can I bear?
Only you can save me from despair

Then to nothingness I concede
I know I can never be freed

Since I… I’m lost in this journey
I’m confused, I’m losing my will
And I… I am going crazy
Please show me the way to what’s real

Oh I… I’m lost in this journey
Please lead me to something that’s real…

– September 11, 2017

Without You

kathleenmoulton-com

photo credit to kathleenmoulton.com

Abandoned, now my life’s a mess
You left and everything has changed
Now I’m facing another test
And without you this seems so strange

Chorus 1:
And I… I feel so lost, confused
Without you, I’m wounded with bruise
And I… I am sinking below
In a vacuum where I belong

Abandoned, I don’t have a clue
I’m tired from trying to move on
My wings are clipped without you
How do I fly and carry on

Repeat Chorus 1

Bridge:
So save me from my misery
Lift me from this melancholy
Only you can bring clarity
Without you, it’s insanity

Chorus 2:
And I… I feel so lost, confused
Without you, I’m lifeless; no fuse
And I… I am falling… Falling
In this void where I’m submitting

And I… I am falling, sinking below
In this vacuum where I truly belong

– August 30, 2016

Into The Pit

kennethuykendall

photo credit to kennethuykendall.com

I’m in a mess, trapped all over again
Fighting this battle not to go insane
But it’s becoming my definition
Who will I be without the confusion?

So I keep on suffering; always lost
Convincing myself this is for a cause
But I don’t see light, I’m falling below
And into the pit, that’s where I will go

I try to be numb from this misery
But a dark force so strong is pulling me
I can’t get up; I succumb to the flow
Into the pit, into the pit… I go…

– June 17, 2016