I Will Miss You

I will miss the way you smile at me
When you wake up and you find me
Then I will miss preparing your milk
Then washing your skin that feels like silk
I will miss our daily morning strolls
When you nap and I ‘catch them all’
I will miss having lunch with you
And the cute ways you give your cue
Asking for more food or water
Then pout lips, throw tantrums whenever
I will miss washing your hands, your face
Then pick you up, lock you in embrace
I will miss our afternoon nothings
When we watch shows and play with things
I will miss when you nap on my lap
And still snooze when it’s not enough
I will miss taking selfies with you
Touching your hair, just staring at you
I will miss kissing you every time
Holding and hugging you anytime
I will even miss changing your nappies
To make you comfortable and happy
I will miss singing songs to you
How you laugh in little things I do
There are more things that I will miss
But please always remember this
I love you always and forever
Even if we are not together

– July 22, 2019

Your Smile

Author’s Note: This is an excerpt from my last night’s long and vivid dream.

Today, I woke up from a dream –
Many were trapped in a huge mansion
Running from infected, looking for a way out
Then you were kidnapped.
People ran from one room to another.
People hid while figuring an escape route.
Until I finally found you
In a forest-like room, you were standing
You were full of life,
You were happy and free.
You asked, “How’s life? Any kids yet?”
I said, “None, of course but everything’s fine.’
Then I told you, “Let’s keep moving.
The infected are coming.”
“I’m tired from running, let me stay here.”
Unsure if I would agree but time is passing
I know I can’t force you to so I just said:
“Can I at least embrace you for one last time?”
As I was spreading my arms to hug you tight
You were slowly vanishing –
But the last thing that disappeared
Was the smile stuck in your lips…

Today, I woke up from a dream
Where I saw you happy and free.

It’s almost four years since you left
And I am still missing your presence
Your love and greatness I will never forget
And I will always remember that smile –
Your smile which was stuck in your lips
As I was embracing you last night.
I miss you. I love you, Mommy.

– May 27, 2016

Best Wishes To A Friend

photo credit to pinterest.com (but the pic says a different website...)

photo credit to pinterest.com (but the pic says a different website…)

Author’s Note: It’s almost August 21st so I’m posting this now. I wrote the first draft last Aug 10th but finalized it on the 19th. I’m posting it on the eve of the 21st to coincide with my friend’s special day. This is for her… Congrats and best wishes. 🙂

Was it April or May when a friend told me that she might leave the country for good soon? It was mixed emotions when I found out – it’s all for the right reasons but someone moving away is always sad. When she told me a couple of months ago, it didn’t feel real. Now that the day is getting closer, it’s slowly hitting me.

Someone leaving is not new territory for me. I left my friends too when we moved to Canada five years ago but I guess it was different then since I was the “leaver” and not the “leavee”. Back in the Philippines, I had a couple of friends who left our home country too so being a “leavee” is also not a foreign concept, but somehow this time it feels different.‎ I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s a combination of these two – (1) I don’t have many friends who reside here in Canada, I can count them all using my fingers! (2) I’ve known her for less than 1.5 years and that’s too short, I want more time to spend with her.

Despite our differences – culture, religion, race, age, language, etc., there’s this connection that I rarely find with someone. I first met her when we interviewed her for a job. Right there and then, I knew we have a chemistry and I’m pretty sure we’ll work well together. It was a unanimous decision and we hired her. True enough, we screwed up at work! Just kidding, of course we did an awesome job! The dynamic duo, as what our boss referred to us. I resigned eight months ago but we still go out for a chat, coffee or lunch at least once a week. I’ve known her for only a short time but it feels like I’ve known her forever. How often do you meet someone like that? I know for sure that this Asset-Liability Management model is more than just the company’s tool – it made us closer and “converge” with each other. Or perhaps, Goku, Vegeta and Cell made us closer too but whatever it was, I’m really glad to find someone whom I can share anything with – someone who has the same wavelength and quirks that I have. Now, in a couple of weeks, we’ll add some more items to our list of differences: time and distance.

I’ve lost a lot of friends through the years. That’s part of growing up (and school graduations) – time and distance became our enemies. Our personalities have changed too and gradually, we became distant. I no longer personally connect with all friends I’ve lost. For most of them, I only see updates on their Facebook posts and they have become merely Facebook friends. It’s true that time and distance are friendship’s enemies but it’s a choice too. It’s my choice, and maybe theirs as well, to not communicate with each other. For some whom I like to keep, it’s also my choice to buzz once in a while and make sure to go beyond commenting on social media posts and status updates.

I’m so excited and happy for her next chapter. I always believe in her skills and capabilities and I’m sure that she will do well in her next roles, both as a wife and as a risk professional. I’m just a little bummed about it because I have to adjust to the new normal again. I’m losing a coffeemate, a chatmate, a poutinemate and a trainmate. At least there’s one thing I know for certain – I’m not losing a friend.

As she welcomes this new chapter in her life, I wish her all the best. It’s going to be an adventure, she’s going to adjust to the new normal too and it’s definitely a huge adjustment but just enjoy the ride, regardless if it’s smooth or bumpy – just enjoy it! 🙂

Today is the first day at work that she is not around and I’m missing her already. It feels weird that I no longer send an email to her with a subject heading “coffee?”. I will miss her more when she moves to the States.

Remember this line from How I Met Your Mother – “You will be shocked when you discover how easy it is in life to part ways with people forever. That’s why when you find someone you want to keep around, you do something about it.”

No matter what the differences are, whoever we want to keep in our lives is a choice; hoping she’ll do the same.

– written during August 2015