I Am Here

Why are you scared, my dear?
It’s a new world, I know
I’m beside you, I’m here
I won’t leave, I won’t go
And I promise you…

Chorus 1:
I will never leave you
I am just here
I’ll forever hold you
Locked in my embrace

Or you can take my hand
I’ll wipe away your tears
Then together we’ll stand
Let’s drive away your fears
And I promise you…

Chorus 2:
I will never leave you
I am just here
You are always safe here
Here in my arms

You are always safe here
Here in my arms…

I Love…

I love smelling your hair, it smells like baby powder
I love kissing your forehead, pinching your nose
I love wiping your tears whenever you cry
I love seeing your toothless grin, your cute little smile
It always melts my heart, I forget that I’m tired

I love holding your hands, rubbing your belly
Whenever you push and try to do number two
It seems that I’m helping you but it’s all on you
I love changing your diapers, wiping your butt
I even made a song, please remeber that

I love writing you poems and songs to sing for you
I love teaching you 123s and ABCs
I love playing with you, reading you books
I love the way you listen to all stories I tell
You seem to understand all things that I say

I love the way you sneeze, you cough, and you yawn
And how you fart like you are a big human being
I love tickling you and massaging your legs
I love your scared look whenever we bathe you
Then how happy you are whenever we dress you

I love how you hate burping when you’re still hungry
I love how drunk you are after each feeding
I love how you can sleep soundly on my chest
I love watching you sleep and dream at night
And when you have nightmares, I love soothing your cries

I love how you stretch your short little arms
Then you make these grunts like you have a hard life
I even love your tantrums like you’ve been neglected
Then how you talk to us as if you know all the words
And how you tell your dadsi about your day

I love seeing you grow, becoming a lady
I love waiting for the day you’ll take your first step
I love that God gave you to us and touch our lives
I love you, I love everything about you
But if there’s one thing I don’t love…
It’s I don’t love missing you

– October 19, 2018

Can I Hold You?

baby in arms

photo credit to christianwomenonline.net

If I can, I will protect you from all harm
I will keep you close and safe here in my arms
So each time you cry which I cannot dismiss
I look at you and I know I cannot resist
I cannot help but to hold you forever
Hoping to take away your fears or whatever
So sleep soundly in my chest, little one
Hear the music of my heart, little one
Let it be your warmth, your peace, your harmony
Let me enjoy this moment that you still need me

– August 10, 2018

Your Smile

Author’s Note: This is an excerpt from my last night’s long and vivid dream.

Today, I woke up from a dream –
Many were trapped in a huge mansion
Running from infected, looking for a way out
Then you were kidnapped.
People ran from one room to another.
People hid while figuring an escape route.
Until I finally found you
In a forest-like room, you were standing
You were full of life,
You were happy and free.
You asked, “How’s life? Any kids yet?”
I said, “None, of course but everything’s fine.’
Then I told you, “Let’s keep moving.
The infected are coming.”
“I’m tired from running, let me stay here.”
Unsure if I would agree but time is passing
I know I can’t force you to so I just said:
“Can I at least embrace you for one last time?”
As I was spreading my arms to hug you tight
You were slowly vanishing –
But the last thing that disappeared
Was the smile stuck in your lips…

Today, I woke up from a dream
Where I saw you happy and free.

It’s almost four years since you left
And I am still missing your presence
Your love and greatness I will never forget
And I will always remember that smile –
Your smile which was stuck in your lips
As I was embracing you last night.
I miss you. I love you, Mommy.

– May 27, 2016

Luha / Tears

Author’s Note: Yesterday was my mom’s third death anniversary and I want to pay tribute by posting this poem that I wrote in Filipino, 7 weeks after she passed away. I wrote the English version last week but I really had a hard time translating and still making it sound like a nice poem; may be because I don’t have the same emotion back then. Anyway, I’m still in the process of trying to write a better version and I’ll post in if I am able to sort it. Oh yeah, about the pic, this is her final resting place, it’s a columnbary.

Filipino and Original Version:

Patuloy ang pagpatak ng mga luha
Nangungulila sa iyong pagkawala
Alam kong masaya ka na sa piling Nya
Ngunit kay hirap pala ngayong wala ka na

Lumipas na ang pitong linggong parang panaginip
Hindi iniinda at pinipilit hindi isaisip
Ngunit heto ako ngayon, nagmumukmok sa isang tabi
Hindi na maiwasan pang magkubli

Sana’y nadarama ko ang iyong yakap na kay higpit
Sana’y naririnig ko ang iyong tinig na kay liit
Sana’y maaari kitang muling mahagkan
Ngunit lahat ng ito’y hindi na muling magagampanan

Ngayon ang buhay ko’y patuloy sa pagtakbo
Ang bawat araw ay ginugugol sa trabaho’t laro
Ngunit pakiramdam ko’y hindi na ako buo
Dahil nagkaroon ng malaking puwang ang aking puso

Dadaloy ang mga oras, buwan, at taon
Mga luha’y unti-unti ring maanod kasabay ng panahon
Ngunit aking pagmamahal ay nakaukit na sa bato
At habang buhay akong mangungulila sa paglisan mo

English Version:

Can’t keep my tears from flowing
Since that day, I’ve been longing
Up there, I know you’re smiling
But it’s hard to go on living

‎Seven weeks! Am I still dreaming?
Pain and aches, I’m not minding
Now here I am, grim and sulking
Can’t escape, no more hiding

‎Your tight embrace, I’m hoping
To hear your voice, I’m wishing
Your sweet kisses, I’m missing
But these are just wishful thinking

‎Now life must keep on going
Go back to working and playing
But I’m not whole, something’s lacking
My heart is wounded and bleeding

Hours will continue running
With time, my tears will be drifting
But my love will be staying
‘Till eternity, I’ll be longing

– the Filipino and original version was written on July 24, 2012 while the English version was written on May 29, 2015