October Fall

fall

Writer’s Note: Another poem written long time ago (about 8 yrs ago). This was our first fall in Canada and we were still adjusting as new immigrants. Looks like I already posted it here when I initially created this blog but without any tags. Bumping it and also changing the pic.

It’s a gloomy weather
In a fall of October
The cool breeze I feel
And I’m standing still

I miss the sun’s smile
Seems it has been a while
Fog is enveloping the horizon
In my each waking morn

Leaves are falling
Colors are changing
A new beginning I see
But when it’s going to be

– October 26, 2010

The Story Of 2017

2017

photo credit to commons.wikimedia.rog

This is a long overdue wrap up. I started writing this 2 months prior to the end of 2017 but morning (read: all-day) sickness came up.

Anyway, here’s my 2017 in one sentence: 2017 started as normal then halfway and through the end, it was full of surprises and excitement.

—–

January to June was uneventful. I lived a normal life, still searching, then gradually accepting, the loss of passion. Then in July, as I was reflecting what transpired halfway through the year, my spouse experienced a career setback – he was laid off (Surprise #1).

It was tough but it was easier than I initially expected. We were positive things will turn out fine although we considered options on what to do in case he’ll be unemployed for a longer time. But with prayers, opportunity, and luck, he was able to get a new job after in about 3 months. Actually, his being laid off became a blessing in disguise (Surprise #2). Things turned out better. We also got to spend more time playing Pokemon Go and met new people while raiding bosses.*

As for my work life and as already mentioned, I started the year with full of hopes about again finding my passion and drive. But nothing happened then I gradually came to peace that I can no longer bring back the same passion I had 5 or so years ago. Maybe that’s part of growing up (or growing old?). Besides, my day job will never be the centre of my life.

However, when things didn’t add up at work, I knew something was not right. So by end of Aug/early Sep, I started to look for a new job again (Surprise #3). Not even 1 year into my current job! But fortunately, I found one that suits me. I had a small pay cut but it’s what I want to do – it’s the one that I can enjoy and can stomach so I can face each work day. Leaving was definitely bittersweet as I really like the people at my work place but I can’t stay for them. We’ll touch base for sure, and we actually do :).

I guess things are meant to happen that way. Meet new people and friends, learn new things then off to another journey. With this new job, I didn’t have any expectations at all. I didn’t even think about rekindling my passion. I just let things be with only hope that this is the job that would make me stay put.

Then after about a week in my new job, we got the final and biggest surprise of the year. We found out that we’re expecting (SURPRISE #4)! Hold on… before finding out about the pregnancy, I wrote this in early Nov:

I want –
To smile and end my work misery
To look forward to each work day
To continue an active lifestyle
To achieve a work-life balance
To not ever live with regrets
And of course, I want
To write all possibilities
Are these too much to ask?
Will I get these at last?

—–

So came the last month of 2017… well, hello there little one. Who would have thought we’re going to have a baby? People around us, though most of them are pressuring us, know that we’re a couple who’s content on being just the two of us. We let the universe decide if we’re going to be 3, and so here we are with this abundant blessing.

December was the toughest and it felt like the longest month ever. Despite the holidays and the festive season, I was really having the worst changes ever. It’s hard enough that I was adjusting with the new work, but it was harder when my body was going through a lot of changes. Oh, the lack of caffeine, the nausea, the vomiting, the over-sensitive sense of smell, and the insatiable hunger!!! Oh man! I never thought it would be this hard. I’m struggling until now but surviving. I don’t like being pregnant but I’m so excited to have a little one. No pain, no gain, eh?

Now, I’m almost done with my first trimester. With fingers crossed, hopefully it would be better and the little one will grow well, strong, and healthy. So now, I’m revising what I want for 2018:

I want –
To write all possibilities
To continue knowing You
To have all the best for the little one
To welcome and enjoy parenthood
To live free with no regrets…
Here’s to an exciting 2018!

And of course, as my wrap-up tradition goes, I’m still singing and dancing in Bollywood style:

All izz well
Woot woot woot
Hey bro, all izz well…

*I just have to mention Pokemon since it accompanied me during my bleak work days.

– January 11, 2018 07:19

This Is It

photo credit to actiontoknowledge.com

photo credit to actiontoknowledge.com

Author’s Note: Here’s another poem I wrote about a year ago. I wrote this on my way to work on the day that I told my boss that I will resign. I was emotionally attached to my previous job so when I decided to leave, I was torn and unsure if my decision was right. This poem was to convince myself that “This Is It! It’s time to move on!”.

Trying to hold back tears
It’s a sign of strength, don’t hide
This is what I prayed, this is the plan
Just keep on swimming, I’ll get by

Trying not to melt down
Have courage, have no regrets
This is my light, this is my new start
Just carry on, leave the past behind

Trying not to be emotional
I can do this, there’s no turning back
This is what I need, this is it!
Just go on, I’m on the right track

– November 5, 2014