Insomnia

My legs hurt
My arms feel strange
My body seems twisted
I keep flipping on my bed
I close my eyes
Yet I find them open again
I am restless
Should I run?
Do some chores?
But I won’t, I can’t
It’s physically impossible
So I surf the net, read whatever
I try to write, write whatever
Then my stomach growls
But I don’t have the appetite
So I just check the clock
It’s been more than an hour
Soon I’ll have to work
So try to breathe… Relax!
Forget the pain
Don’t mind the discomfort
Leave any thoughts
Think of happy thoughts
Then count sheeps
But nothing’s working
And I’m running out of ideas
My head is not at its best
I have no more juice
I am so drained
I am exhausted
Yet I am wide awake
Somehow, I couldn’t manage
I just couldn’t fall asleep…

– May 30, 2018

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My Hell

welcome to hell

photo credit to 123rf.com

It’s not the smell of the doughnut nor the freshly brewed coffee
It’s not the smile from my co-workers pretending to be happy
But it’s the “Welcome to Hell”, the invisible sign I see
It’s sad, pathetic but it’s the only thing that’s greeting me

Everytime I go to work I have a churn in my belly
I don’t know why, it must be a signal that this is not for me
And I am trapped, frustrated and there’s no way to break free
Then I forget who I am, neglecting my true destiny

Sometimes I consider quitting but it’s just too risky
I have no guts, no balls, that’s why I can’t find any glory
So I just buried myself in this hell of a monotony
And continue living this hell where I can never be me

– May 10, 2018

The Joke (Her Perspective)

Writer’s Note: This is a continuation of my post last week, The Joke (His Perspective).

It all started as a joke, a tease here and there
Somehow it was only me who actually cared
You treated me as if I was a mere stranger
So I moved on, lived my life like you weren’t there

Then I almost lost my life battling an illness
A blessing in disguise that lead to your awareness
The joke was on me as I was always helpless
Been helplessly wishing for your love and caress

This joke I hope you’ll take it very seriously
As I return your kiss and hug you tenderly
I’ve been yours from the start, you’re my one and only
Until my last breath, please promise to stay with me

– April 26, 2018

The Joke (His Perspective)

It all started as a joke, a tease here and there
From our friends, our families – it was everywhere
I ignored all these – didn’t budge, didn’t care
I continued my life as a boy with a dare

Then something dawned on me which I cannot undo
I was no longer the oblivious boy you knew
The joke was on me as I win your love anew
So please believe me when I tell you “yes, I do”

This joke now I’m taking very seriously
As I put this ring on you and kiss you tenderly
As I make this vow to love you endlessly
Say yes, be mine forever, my one and only

– April 25, 2018

Is It A Sin? / Kasalanan Ba?

Writer’s Note: This is originally written in my native tongue, Tagalog, but I also wrote the English version shortly right after.

I’m ready to offer my life for you, my dear
I will give you everything just to see your glee
Even if it means to let you go, set you free
For your happiness is the only thing I need

As long as he can love you the same way as I do
As long as he can bring back the shine in your eyes
I no longer care if I’m left alone, crying
If this is the only way to see you smiling

Yet I am still dreaming that we’ll be together
To be able to kiss your red lips for one more time
That in the end, it will still be just me and you
Please tell me, is it a sin to still dream about you?

– February 22, 2018

Ang buhay ko’y handang ialay para sa’yo, sinta
Ibbigay ko ang lahat upang mapasaya ka
Kahit pa ang kapalit nito ay palayain ka
Pagka’t ang kaligayahan mo lang ang mahalaga

Basta’t pagmamahal ko sayo’y kayang tapatan nya
At maibalik nya ang mga kislap ng iyong mga mata
Hindi na baleng ako’y mag-isa at lumuluha
Kung ito ang paraan nang iyong ngiti ay makita

Ngunit ako’y nangangarap pa rin na makapiling ka
Na muling mahagkan ang iyong mga labing kay pula
Na balang araw ay magiging tayo pa ring dalawa
Kasalanan bang umasa at pangarapin ka pa?

– February 13, 2018

Is This? (Vague Questions II)

question marks

photo credit to clipart-library.com

Writer’s Note: Vague Questions I is here.

Is this my destination that will end my searching?
Or another confusion that will keep me longing?

Is this the answer to the questions I’ve been asking?
Or just a new problem that will soon be emerging?

Is this the place to rediscover passion, my drive?
Or just something I will be forced to take to survive?

Oh when will I stop asking these silly, vague questions?
Am I overanalyzing to find solutions?

Why can’t I have faith to this path that I have chosen?
How do I let all doubts and worries be forgotten?

Will I ever reach my dream from all this complaining?
When will I get tired from all this venting and whining?

– February 1, 2018

Will You Be Mine?

You always light up my dim world
You bring warmth in this freezing cold
You’re an angel sent from above
Is this what people call “true love”?

Now, everything I can conquer
With you, I will never falter
With you, I’m at my happiest
This feeling, isn’t it the best?

This love is perfect, it’ so right
You have felt it, too, am I right?
‘Cause that is you when you’re with him
And here I am, living in a dream

For to you I am just a friend
Someone who’ll be there ’til the end
But I still wish for you to be mine
So honey, will you please be mine?

– February 22, 2018