32 Hours

photo credit to pmstudycircle.com

Writer’s Note: I haven’t written much. I really feel that I’m regressing or maybe just busy taking care of a newborn. Anyway, this was written long time ago but haven’t posted it yet.

I hate this feeling! This agony… THIS AGONY OF WAITING!

I wonder where will I be tomorrow?… This sounds familiar! I already said this last year. But it seems that this question has no answers.

It’s this time of the year again when “Go the Distance” is my song! But will I really get there if I make it through? I really do not know but what I do know is I badly want to pass this exam.

It seems that I am not making any sense. Anyhow…

Nervous, anxious, but anticipating
Confused, frightened yet hoping

Keeping myself busy
But I don’t want to feel too easy

I can’t even relax
Just wanting the time to lapse

32 hours still…
Will keep praying until…

Longest hours of my life again
After this what would I gain?

Stressed, pressured but anticipating
Clueless, unsure yet hoping

What to do? What to do? What to do? It’s seems that I’m having a hard time concentrating?

I don’t want to experience failure for the nth time. I don’t have a plan B nor any other plans for this, just plan A… so please, please, please! Allow me to shout “I’M FINALLY FREE!”

– August 17, 2009

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Regress

kingofwallpapers

photo credit to kingofwallpapers.com

I used to wake up with a dream
Of words engulfing my passion
Where I find the inspiration
To move on, explore and be free

I used to hear a melody
Of songs I wanted to be sung
Then use my imagination
To write the lyrics from my heart

But things are changing, I have changed
Somehow I find myself regressing
‎Doubts and fears are resurfacing
And slowly… slowly… I’ll be back…

To the darkness… to nothingness…

– November 5, 2018

The Leaf

I die in the cold
Where I hibernate
In the ground
Covered in snow
In winter
Only to be ressurected
Where I blossom
With the flowers
Then see the blue sky
In spring
I dance
Under the sun‎
I change into green
Enjoy the warmth
In summer
Until I flow
With the breeze
I change into red
Hang by a thread
In autumn
Until I am the last leaf left
But eventually
Certainly
I will fall
Then die again in the cold…

– November 14, 2018

Please Hold Me

baby in arms

photo credit to christianwomenonline.net

Writer’s Note: This was inspired by a post I saw in What To Expect forum. It’s “Dear Mama…” post which has been shared and reshared in Facebook, too. Coincidentally, when I read that, my newborn was going through a phase and all she wanted was to be held so it inspired me to write this…

It’s a different world, I am new to this
Sometimes I feel I am lost in an abyss
I am hopeless, I am helpless, please save me
All I can do is cry so you could hold me

Now I’m cold, I am scared, I need some comfort
I need an assurance of love of some sort
Please just stay beside me, please don’t ever go
Please hold me close and please never let me go

‎I don’t want to bother you but I need you
I need your warmth, your touch so I can pull through
Soon, I will grow up, adjust and be all right
But for now, I just want you to hold me tight

– October 3, 2018

Just Close Your Eyes

You came into this world without a clue
Eat, pee, poop, sleep – that’s all you want to do
Now you’re growing fast, you’re changing, as well
You are exploring your world, I can tell
You become aware, curious – you’re restless
You can’t seem to sleep yet you want it no less
All these are new and you’re stimulated
And now you’re tired and also frustrated
But just calm down and simply close your eyes
Then we’ll both dream and off to see the skies

– October 10, 2018

Struggle

Writer’s Note: This was written more than 15 years ago. I cannot recall now what triggered this but this was way back when I was still un the university.

Faced by a lot of failures
Losing confidence, losing grip
Feeling worthless, feeling dumb
Can’t prove something, can’t say anything
Just like any other persom
Can never be an extraordinary one
Nothing’s good inside
Been crying, been bursting
Helpless, hopeless, and meaningless
Depression is here in vain
Empty head, nothing’s left
Can’t beat them, can’t have an edge
Just like any other person
Can never be an extraordinary one
Sitting in the dark
Been pretending, in denial
Can’t face reality, can’t see the fact
Dreaming, aiming
Reality bytes – it’s all a lie
Still fighting, still trying
Still wanting, holding on
Making a difference, but all is null

– August 8, 2003

Are You All Right There?

You’re so needy, clingy, tell me what you want to do
You cannot speak yet and I can’t understand your cues
I hope there’s a way to learn what you’re trying to say
But all I need to know is you are doing okay

So please give me your real smile, a smile that’s not just gas
Let me hear your coos to know your worries have passed
Then show me your dimples and your little smiling eyes
Just give me something, anything, aside from your cries

You’re so needy. clingy, I just don’t know what to do
Please stop wailing; I’m here now, I won’t ever leave you
And I’ll take care of you, love you until forever
Little one, please be all right, hope you’re all right there

– September 25, 2018