On Being Lazy

photo obtained from splatter.com

photo obtained from splatter.com

Author’s Note: This was written more than 3 years ago but just posting it now in my blog. Enjoy 🙂

Boxer, a legendary Starcraft progamer, once said “My laziness is my most fearful enemy. Defeat is the acceptance of my own laziness.”

May be that’s why I always feel defeated…

Yesterday was a start of another “lazy” week. I went to work, finished my draft report, went home and suddenly while browsing through my facebook account, I came across this test – “Which of the 7 Deadly Sins Are You?”. I took the quiz, and taddah!!! Obviously, I’m a SLOTH!!! I could never contest and just laughed out loud with the results!

It seems that it has been years since I started to feel sooo lazy, but in fact, it has just been a month. I totally hate this feeling, I want to do something productive, make most of my time, and avoid sleeping.

I really do not know how I was able to accomplish my work and finished two volumes of my studies when in fact I’m feeling lazy and getting even lazier each day. The facts are I really enjoy my work and I really want to pass this exam and gain my title and finally have my free time but I feel demotivated somehow.

Ever since my mother suffered a heart attack last month, I felt this laziness… I know it’s not even related, it’s not even a cause-and-effect but may be just may be subconsciously, I realize that life is too short so why spend it on something/s that isn’t or aren’t your true happiness. Though I’ve said that I enjoy doing those things, here’s another fact – THOSE AREN’T MY PASSION AND MY HAPPINESS!

Here I go again… Whenever I hate myself for being lazy, every little frustration that I have comes flashing before my eyes – “if only I’m not living in a third world country”, “if only being a history and literature geek could give me more money”, “if only…”. Who’s to blame anyway?

So I chose this life, no one and not even a single soul pushed me to do this so I have no right to feel this way. Even if I were to take a chance to change my life, to have a career shift, I know I wouldn’t simply because I don’t want to and I wouldn’t want to be out of my comfort zone nor to start anew – I would definitely regret that if I do.

Going back to the quiz I took – after taking it, surprisingly, I was able to focus on my studies and finish a reading before I went to bed last night. And as I write this, I feel happy since I’ve wanted to write this since last week but I feel so lazy to sit down and write.

I just had an epiphany with that quiz – sometimes I just need someone or something to tell frankly to my face who I am and that when I will realize that I don’t want to be this person. It’s not just accepting what I have become but also overcoming it.

I don’t have to psych myself and search for reasons why I feel demotivated or lazy. Passion or not, as long I still enjoy those, all I have to do is “suit up” – I mean get up and do those things and recognize that the outcome of those would be truly rewarding.

I definitely feel like a victor after finishing one of my readings, being able to watch some of my favorite stuffs and had a good night sleep.

I hope that I could finally overcome this laziness… hoping to be more productive tonight and the next day and night and the next…

It’s quite ironic that I started my first writing for the year 2009 on thoughts of being lazy. I hope I started it right…

– written on March 17, 2009