Drowning

It’s seems like eternity
But at last,
I see something
It’s blurry…
Is it the shore?
Swim faster
Faster!
Go to that island!
But wait…
Where am I?

The water isn’t blue
It’s gray
There are no fish
No corals
Nothing underneath
A sink hole to nowhere
So hurry
Swim harder!
Flap those arms!
Move those feet!

The shore
It’s nearer
I see it now
I can reach it now
But what? How?
This is not a sanctuary
It’s just a huge log
But I can hold on to it
Cling on to it
At least for now

Then I look up
At the sky
It’s getting darker
This water beyond me
It’s turning black
And I’m exhausted
But I need to stay afloat
“Don’t close your eyes
Don’t give up now”
Just keep swimming!

But I’m tired and I…
I want to rest and I…
I’m shutting my eyes and I…
I’m losing my breath and I…
I don’t know where I am
How did I end up here?
Swim!
Swim more!
But slowly‎…
Oh so slowly…

I am drowning…

Only you can save me…

– August 8, 2019

Wherever

photo credit to flexjobs.com

I was hoping to bring back my lost fire, my lost drive
But I couldn’t find them in spite of my effort and strive
I thought a new place would be the start of discovery
Unfortunately, some things are not just meant to be

I initially thought it would be my way to freedom
Or maybe it’d be another disguise of a kingdom
A kingdom of a new hell where I would be again sucked
So I guess it was for the best so I will not be stuck

Clearly, a new place is not the answer to my questions
Wherever I go I could not find any solution
Maybe I just need to surrender – let go – let it be
Accept my fate into nothingness, that’s where I will be

– May 9, 2017

Keep The Chase

Sometimes I am hitting a wall
I can’t pass through it, I am stuck
It would be the end, my downfall
And all I can hear is the clock
Counting ’til the death of my all

But I wish for time to stop ticking
It’s the sound I refuse to hear
Can the world stop from spinning
And shelter myself from my fear
To standstill ’til a new beginning

Sometimes I run but reach a cliff
There’s nowhere to go, should I leap
It’s suicide and it would be brief
Accept the end, just take a deep
Then wander in oblivion without grief

But I don’t want to be in that place
I need to get away from that cage
I am afraid to drift in space
So I’ll fight to not reach that stage
It’s my battle to keep the chase

– March 1, 2017

Roundabout

roundabout

photo credit to twitter.com

It is a roundabout and I can’t find my exit
It is unsetting, I wonder if I’m losing it
I just drive in circles until my gas is emptied
Or until my mind to eventually see a lead

My path is clearly blocked by this insanity
And vision is blurred towards the road to destiny
It is puzzling and my engine is slowly dying
But I will keep driving even if I’m just circling

THIS is my roundabout and I can’t find THE exit
I’m getting restless, soon, I might be losing it
I still drive in loops hoping my tank is refilled
For I need to stay here until THE way is revealed

– March 14, 2017

If I Were…

barton_fink-typewriter1

photo credit to curnblog.com

If I were to become a successful writer
Goodbye day job! I would no longer have to care
Then I would move on, become an explorer
I would find any inspiration everywhere

If I were to become a successful writer
Goodbye boredom! Here’s a new world to discover
Then I would be free, confusions would be conquered
No more hiding, my mask would also be uncovered

But I am not. I am only a lone dreamer
Stuck in my day job, I am an uninspired worker
Searching for passion, I am a hopeless believer
If only I were a successful writer…

– April 27, 2016

Unispired

photo obtained from www.ceothinkthank.com

photo obtained from http://www.ceothinkthank.com

Overwhelmed and restless – I’m struggling
The mind wanders but all is nothing
I can’t focus, I’m losing control
Is it normal? ‘Cause I’m hitting a wall

Step back and search for bright ideas
Stop. Think. But there’s no panacea
It’s my longest drought; I want it to end
All effort is futile; I can’t ascend

Running in circles like an endless loop
To surpass this, I need to regroup
This is my passion, my heart’s desire
Yet I’m left here feeling uninspired

– written on April 6, 2015