Drowning

It’s seems like eternity
But at last,
I see something
It’s blurry…
Is it the shore?
Swim faster
Faster!
Go to that island!
But wait…
Where am I?

The water isn’t blue
It’s gray
There are no fish
No corals
Nothing underneath
A sink hole to nowhere
So hurry
Swim harder!
Flap those arms!
Move those feet!

The shore
It’s nearer
I see it now
I can reach it now
But what? How?
This is not a sanctuary
It’s just a huge log
But I can hold on to it
Cling on to it
At least for now

Then I look up
At the sky
It’s getting darker
This water beyond me
It’s turning black
And I’m exhausted
But I need to stay afloat
“Don’t close your eyes
Don’t give up now”
Just keep swimming!

But I’m tired and I…
I want to rest and I…
I’m shutting my eyes and I…
I’m losing my breath and I…
I don’t know where I am
How did I end up here?
Swim!
Swim more!
But slowly‎…
Oh so slowly…

I am drowning…

Only you can save me…

– August 8, 2019

My Hell

welcome to hell

photo credit to 123rf.com

It’s not the smell of the doughnut nor the freshly brewed coffee
It’s not the smile from my co-workers pretending to be happy
But it’s the “Welcome to Hell”, the invisible sign I see
It’s sad, pathetic but it’s the only thing that’s greeting me

Everytime I go to work I have a churn in my belly
I don’t know why, it must be a signal that this is not for me
And I am trapped, frustrated and there’s no way to break free
Then I forget who I am, neglecting my true destiny

Sometimes I consider quitting but it’s just too risky
I have no guts, no balls, that’s why I can’t find any glory
So I just buried myself in this hell of a monotony
And continue living this hell where I can never be me

– May 10, 2018