Defeated

I fell and I stumbled
I was down, I was troubled
I can’t pick myself up
There was no way to get up
No strength to even try
And all I could do was cry
From despair, from anger
For not having the power
To control my dumb mind
Then command the brain to find
The love and the passion
To seek a motivation
But I only faltered
To defeat, I surrendered

– July 10, 2019

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Writing Struggle

It’s not that I don’t have any inspiration
But I am always left with so much distraction
Left and right, up and down, all I see is confusion
Look around and I can’t find my concentration

Maybe I’m stuck with no more creativity
My mind wanders but it’s the same activity
I try to focus but I’m hit with anxiety
‎More of this and it will be my fallibility

And it’s becoming the epitome of puzzles
I try hard but I still don’t know how to tackle
I guess there are some things that I cannot handle
Just have to accept this is an endless struggle

– May 14, 2019

Why Do You Write / Bakit Ka Nagsusulat?

IMG00351-20130102-1811

Why do you write?
Is it for the likes
To earn money
Is it just a hobby
Or just because

What if the end is near?
Ideas are running out
There are no more words
The fire is dying down
What’s left is only residue

Can you still write?
Even without an audience
Are you changing your ways to conform
Or would you just let it go
Then accept the faded dream

So why am I still writing?
Because this is why I’m breathing
Until the last drop of my ink
Even if there’s no one who reads
Because writing is my happiness

– February 13, 2019

Bakit ka nagsusulat?
Para ba sa likes
Para ba kumita
Libangan kaya
O dahil wala lang

Eh paano kung hanggang dun na lang?
Naubos na ang mga ideya
Wala ng mga salita
Upos na ang kandila
Latak na lang ang asa utak

Kakayanin mo pa bang magsulat?
Kahit wala namang nagbabasa
Babaguhin mo ba ang likha para sa iba
O hahayaan na lang maiga
At tanggapin ang paglaho ng pangarap

Eh bakit pa rin ako nagsusulat?
Dahil dito ako humihinga
Pipigain hanggang sa huling tinta
Kahit pa walang mambabasa
Dahil pagsusulat ng aking ligaya

– February 13, 2019

Regress

kingofwallpapers

photo credit to kingofwallpapers.com

I used to wake up with a dream
Of words engulfing my passion
Where I find the inspiration
To move on, explore and be free

I used to hear a melody
Of songs I wanted to be sung
Then use my imagination
To write the lyrics from my heart

But things are changing, I have changed
Somehow I find myself regressing
‎Doubts and fears are resurfacing
And slowly… slowly… I’ll be back…

To the darkness… to nothingness…

– November 5, 2018

Drought (Part 4)

drought

photo credit to cdc.gov

Lost in a world with too many people
Too many things going on
My mind has been preoccupied
Resulting in not knowing what I want
Confused as to what I need
I am seemingly lost in this void
Overwhelmed by this busy crowd
So how can I make amends?
Take charge of my destiny?
Gain a different perspective?
When all I have is my pen
And I am gradually losing my wit
How do I focus to the things that matter?
How do I ignore all the noise?
Then it just dawned on me…
All I need is my pen and a little bit of wit!
Just start writing whatever, whenever
Then just have a little faith and believe
I will soon overcome this drought
Its end is near

– July 10, 2018

Drought (Part 3)

drought

photo credit to cdc.gov

Have you ever experienced the mind suddenly stop?
When there are no more thoughts, no more ideas
And the words are left hanging, floating in midair

Have you ever wondered where they all went?
Then you tried to search deeper looking for inspiration
But then nothing! The words you needed were gone

Have you ever told yourself to take a break, that it will pass?
You put your pen down, logged off from your PC, paused for a while
Then when you came back, you were still muddling

Have you ever wondered if it will all go back?
Like 1+1=2 or riding a bike, it is going to be as easy as that
But then you ask yourself when would that be…

Then you started to wonder “is this the start of the end?”
A peak has been reached, now it’s time to descend
Have you ever been afraid that rain will never come again?

Because I’m clearly in drought…
I am drained…
I am afraid…

– July 3, 2018

Drought (Part 2)

drought

photo credit to cdc.gov

I always need a validation
Telling myself this is my passion
But I’m stuck, I feel I’m not growing
Did I reach my peak now I’m descending?

And now I’m back again to nowhere
Just scrambling, looking to find whatever
I hope it’s just a phase to something new
‎A great inspiration that’s being brewed

So how do I keep on believing?
Keep the faith, stop myself from falling?
Refuel my mind, my heart, my soul?
When all my fears are eating me whole…

– July 2, 2018